Interview with an agnostic Zen Buddhist

Posted on May 18, 2013 by

A student friend of a friend was doing research for a comparative religion class, and I was asked if I would represent Zen Buddhism and answer some questions about my practice. I said I didn’t think I was a good choice to represent Zen, but my friend said that was OK.

The questions and answers are below. I still think my answers say more about what I’ve done with Zen (of far) than what typical Zen practice should be. Perhaps I protest too much. It can be an enlightening (no pun intended) exercise to have to explain one’s beliefs and practices. I had tremendous fun doing this, and the student’s project was so well received that she didn’t need to take her final exam! I’m hoping to get a copy of her complete report.

Do you practice religion?
In a manner of speaking.

If so, which one?
Zen Buddhism, which is more of a way of life than a specific set of religious beliefs.

What scripture does your religion follow?
There are many. The Pali Canon is probably the main one for Buddhism as a whole, less so for Zen, which places less emphasis on written scripture. For myself, I mainly read the Tao Te Ching, which is a Taoist text. Zen is said my some to be a fusion of Taoism and Buddhism. Buddhist sutras of particular importance to me are the Heart Sutra and the Diamond Sutra.

What does your religion do for your over all physical and mental health?
My practice greatly reduces stress and helps me appreciate the present moment, which keeps me feeling pretty good.

What religious experience have you had that you value the most?
Daily zazen, which is sitting meditation. It clears the mind and reminds me that there is no gap between myself and the rest of the world.

What sorts of impacts/influences does religion have on your life/lifestyle (ex. going to Church on Sundays & Holidays, Religious statues/paintings can be found in your house, Praying at certain times of the day, Praying before you eat, attending Church social groups, etc.)?
We have several Buddhist statues around the house, and some Zen-inspired artwork. I meditate for 20 minutes twice a day, morning and evening. I occasionally go to my local zendo to meditate with others and to listen to dharma talks.

What is a traditional marriage ceremony like in your religion?
I don’t know! I’ve never attended one. I can’t imagine it’s very different from other religions.

Do you feel religion should be taught in the educational curriculum in public schools? Why or why not?
Regarding religion in public schools, I’m all for education, not indoctrination. When I was in high school, we had a comparative religion course wherein representatives from the various local churches and temples would come in and try as best they could to explain their beliefs and practices in 45 minutes. It was a fascinating class. The upside to this is to better understand religions other than one’s own. The downside, at least for believers, is the idea that one’s religion could be subjected to critical analysis.

Do you think society is as religious as it should be?
In America, at least, there’s too much religion in society and politics. I believe social and political institutions should be secular so as to be more inclusive. Religion is a personal matter.

Do you have a favorite religious holiday? Why or why not?
Buddhist holidays tend to be very minor affairs. I’ve only ever celebrated the Buddha’s birthday and the day of his enlightenment. I still enjoy Christmas, more as a cultural holiday than a religious one. My favorite holiday is Thanksgiving, because gratitude should always be celebrated.

Do you have a least favorite religious holiday? Why or why not?
Easter has lost it’s appeal because I don’t believe in the Resurrection. But I still appreciate the celebration of renewal.

Are you actively practicing your religion? Why or why not?
I meditate. I try to remain mindful every day. I try to adhere to the Buddhist precepts:

Affirm life – Do not kill
Be giving – Do not steal
Honor the body – Do not misuse sexuality
Manifest truth – Do not lie
Proceed clearly – Do not cloud the mind
See the perfection – Do not speak of others’ errors and faults
Realize self and other as one – Do not elevate the self and blame others
Give generously – Do not be withholding
Actualize harmony – Do not be angry
Experience the intimacy of things – do no defile the Three Treasures

The Three Treasures are the Buddha, the Dharma (teachings) and the Sangha (Buddhist community).

What do you think it means to be a follower of your religion? (For example: If you are a Muslim, you would answer this question – What do you think it means to be a Muslim?)
To live one’s life according to the precepts, to realize there is no separation between oneself and the rest of the world, and to live in the moment. The past is gone, the future doesn’t exist; all we ever have is now.

What is the single most important aspect of your religion to you, and why?
The emphasis on compassion.

How did you come to be a believer of your religion? Were you raised in this tradition or did you seek it out yourself? Would you consider converting to another religion?
I was raised Roman Catholic, but had my doubts about it even as a child. In my early twenties, I read Bertrand Russell and was able to shed the last vestiges of my Catholic guilt. For a short time, I considered myself an atheist, then decided that was just as silly since it required a similar degree of certainty as to the existence (or in this case, non-existence) of God. Reading the Tao Te Ching got me interested in Taoism. Listening to Alan Watts on college radio got me interested in Zen. After reading Zen Mind, Beginners Mind by Shunryu Suzuki and Buddhism Without Beliefs by Stephen Batchelor, I sought out a local zendo and, at age 51, had my jukai ceremony and “officially” converted to Zen Buddhism. The only other religion I think I would consider is Quakerism.

Does your family practice the same religion as you?
Everyone in my immediate family practices meditation to some degree, and we try to view life though a Buddhist lens as it were.

If you practice a different religion than your close family members, how do they feel about it?
My brother is a devout Catholic, and he expressed some concern for my soul when I converted. He seems OK with it now. Everyone else is fine with it.

If you practice the same religion as your close family members, how do they feel about how active/non-active you are practicing religion?
My children think I should go to the zendo more often.

How religiously active is your close family (parents, siblings, children, grandchildren)? How does this make you feel? Do you think they should be more/less active?
My brother goes to church regularly, as does my mother-in-law. The rest of my close family are not particularly religious. I’m comfortable with all of it; to each his own.

Have you ever converted to another religion? Why or why not?
See above. Roman Catholic > atheist > agnostic > Taoist > Zen Buddhist. I took this path because I had serious doubts about the religion in which I was raised.

Have you ever questioned/doubted your religion? Why or why not?
I questioned my Roman Catholic faith from a very early age. Many of the rituals seemed superstitious and archaic, and other practices, like priests and nuns not being able to marry, just seemed inhumane. And I came to view the Bible as not the word of God, but the words of men in search of God, and therefore fallible. As for Buddhism, I have doubts all the time. But unlike Catholicism, Zen Buddhism is far less dogmatic about it. It’s actually encouraged.

Do any of your personal beliefs differ from your religion’s beliefs? (ex. do you believe it is okay not to attend church every Sunday, you don’t need to make donations to your house of worship, skipping confession will still allow you to go to heaven, it is okay to eat meat & kill animals for food, etc.)
I still have problems with the Buddhist ideas of rebirth and karma across lifetimes. On rebirth, I believe that whatever we are goes on to become other things after death, but I’m not sure anything that could be identified as “me” survives, much less gets reincarnated. But the Dalai Lama has me rethinking this. Someone asked him “Do you remember any of your past lives?” He just laughed and replied “I don’t even remember what I did last week!” Think about that. Do you remember what it was like to be in your mother’s womb? Or what it was like to be four months old? I don’t. So I now try to keep an open mind about it. As for karma, I’ve seen it work within my lifetime, but I’m not sure about karma following you across lifetimes. It just seems like another carrot-and-stick scheme to get you to behave well, not unlike the promise of heaven and hell. But I also think our actions send ripples out into the world, like a pebble tossed into a pond. And maybe those ripples continue after I’m gone.

Do you feel as if people who do not follow your religion are misguided or living a sinful life? Why?
No. We each need to follow our own path. But if your religion says it’s OK to kill non-believers, you need to get a new religion.

What is your concept of Deities/God(s)?
My concept of God is closest to the Tao. It has always been, it will always be, we are in it, and it’s in us. Zen Buddhists do not revere the Buddha as a deity, only as a great teacher.

Do you believe in Deities/God(s) and/or Satan, Heaven and/or Hell?
I believe in a higher power, like the Tao or Emerson’s Over-soul. Separating God and Satan is a false dichotomy; you can’t have one without the other. It’s Yin and Yang, a universe of necessary opposites. You make your own heaven or hell. The “Kingdom of God” is here and now.

How do you think Deities/God(s) view you? Why?
Probably the way I regard my spleen or my breathing. We’re all part of the same thing. “The eye with which I see God is the same eye with which God sees me: my eye and God’s eye are one eye, one seeing, one knowing and one love.” ~ Meister Eckhart

Does your religion consider it to be a sin to be homosexual? Do you agree/disagree with your religion?
As far as I know, Buddhism doesn’t view homosexuality as sinful, only the broader category of sexual misconduct. I agree with that.

Do you believe people are born good/evil? Can they change? Why or why not?
I believe humans in general are good, otherwise we would not have survived this long. Evil exists because it’s a possibility. Too many things contribute to the kind of person we are: genetics, biochemistry, environment, family, friends, food, education, our choices. I believe people can change.

How does your religion influence the way you think and feel about life, death, and the after life?
I’m grateful to be here. Death is a normal part of the process. As for an afterlife, I defer to Thoreau (who may as well have been a Buddhist): “One world at a time.”

What do you think will happen to you when you die?
Haven’t a clue. My atoms will go on to become other things. Not sure what happens to my conscious “self.” But I may find out one day.

What do you think will happen to other people (who practice a different religion than you) when they die?
Same thing.

Do you believe life has a purpose? What is it?
Life will not be denied. It will take hold in the most godawful places and do its best to thrive. I have no idea why. We each give our lives a purpose.

Does your religion influence your everyday decisions? If so, how?
Yes, in that I try to live by the precepts and try to be mindful in everything I do. I don’t always succeed. But I don’t give up.

How does your religion influence your choices of what is morally right & wrong?
If you proceed from a compassionate heart, you’ll know what is right.

Do you believe there is a difference between spirituality and religion? Why or why not?
Yes. Spirituality is something we all possess just by being alive. It’s the part of us that knows we’re connected to everything else. Religion is something we do to it in an effort to understand it. Religion is also a way for some to use spirituality to manipulate others.

Are you spiritual? Is there something you think/feel connects you with the rest of humanity and other living things?
Yes. That’s the foundation of Taoism and Zen. We’re all manifestations of the same source.

How do you spiritually choose what is right and wrong? Does religion influence your spiritual choice between right & wrong (if you believe religion/spirituality are different from one another)?
If you proceed from a compassionate heart, you’ll know what is right. “My religion is very simple. My religion is kindness.” ~ The Dalai Lama

Posted in Compassion, Emerson, Quotes, Religion, Tao, Thoreau, Watts, Zen | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

On Happiness

Posted on May 3, 2013 by

From the wonderful Zen Pencils site:

buddha-poster

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22 Things Happy People Do Differently

Posted on March 7, 2013 by

I found this on PositiveWay.me by way of Successify.net after a friend posted it to Facebook. Isn’t social media grand?

It’s a great list. I would only add this: “Watch far less TV.”

_________________________________________

By Chiara Fucarino

There are two types of people in the world: those who choose to be happy, and those who choose to be unhappy. Contrary to popular belief, happiness doesn’t come from fame, fortune, other people, or material possessions. Rather, it comes from within. The richest person in the world could be miserable while a homeless person could be right outside, walking around with a spring in every step. Happy people are happy because they make themselves happy. They maintain a positive outlook on life and remain at peace with themselves.

The question is: how do they do that?

It’s quite simple. Happy people have good habits that enhance their lives. They do things differently. Ask any happy person, and they will tell you that they …

1. Don’t hold grudges.

Happy people understand that it’s better to forgive and forget than to let their negative feelings crowd out their positive feelings. Holding a grudge has a lot of detrimental effects on your wellbeing, including increased depression, anxiety, and stress. Why let anyone who has wronged you have power over you? If you let go of all your grudges, you’ll gain a clear conscience and enough energy to enjoy the good things in life.

2. Treat everyone with kindness.

Did you know that it has been scientifically proven that being kind makes you happier? Every time you perform a selfless act, your brain produces serotonin, a hormone that eases tension and lifts your spirits. Not only that, but treating people with love, dignity, and respect also allows you to build stronger relationships.

3. See problems as challenges.

The word “problem” is never part of a happy person’s vocabulary. A problem is viewed as a drawback, a struggle, or an unstable situation while a challenge is viewed as something positive like an opportunity, a task, or a dare. Whenever you face an obstacle, try looking at it as a challenge.

4. Express gratitude for what they already have.

There’s a popular saying that goes something like this: “The happiest people don’t have the best of everything; they just make the best of everything they have.” You will have a deeper sense of contentment if you count your blessings instead of yearning for what you don’t have.

5. Dream big.

People who get into the habit of dreaming big are more likely to accomplish their goals than those who don’t. If you dare to dream big, your mind will put itself in a focused and positive state.

6. Don’t sweat the small stuff.

Happy people ask themselves, “Will this problem matter a year from now?” They understand that life’s too short to get worked up over trivial situations. Letting things roll off your back will definitely put you at ease to enjoy the more important things in life.

7. Speak well of others.

Being nice feels better than being mean. As fun as gossiping is, it usually leaves you feeling guilty and resentful. Saying nice things about other people encourages you to think positive, non-judgmental thoughts.

8. Never make excuses.

Benjamin Franklin once said, “He that is good for making excuses is seldom good for anything else.” Happy people don’t make excuses or blame others for their own failures in life. Instead, they own up to their mistakes and, by doing so, they proactively try to change for the better.

9. Get absorbed into the present.

Happy people don’t dwell on the past or worry about the future. They savor the present. They let themselves get immersed in whatever they’re doing at the moment. Stop and smell the roses.

10. Wake up at the same time every morning.

Have you noticed that a lot of successful people tend to be early risers? Waking up at the same time every morning stabilizes your circadian rhythm, increases productivity, and puts you in a calm and centered state.

11. Avoid social comparison.

Everyone works at his own pace, so why compare yourself to others? If you think you’re better than someone else, you gain an unhealthy sense of superiority. If you think someone else is better than you, you end up feeling bad about yourself. You’ll be happier if you focus on your own progress and praise others on theirs.

12. Choose friends wisely.

Misery loves company. That’s why it’s important to surround yourself with optimistic people who will encourage you to achieve your goals. The more positive energy you have around you, the better you will feel about yourself.

13. Never seek approval from others.

Happy people don’t care what others think of them. They follow their own hearts without letting naysayers discourage them. They understand that it’s impossible to please everyone. Listen to what people have to say, but never seek anyone’s approval but your own.

14. Take the time to listen.

Talk less; listen more. Listening keeps your mind open to others’ wisdoms and outlooks on the world. The more intensely you listen, the quieter your mind gets, and the more content you feel.

15. Nurture social relationships.

A lonely person is a miserable person. Happy people understand how important it is to have strong, healthy relationships. Always take the time to see and talk to your family, friends, or significant other.

16. Meditate.

Meditating silences your mind and helps you find inner peace. You don’t have to be a zen master to pull it off. Happy people know how to silence their minds anywhere and anytime they need to calm their nerves.

17. Eat well.

Junk food makes you sluggish, and it’s difficult to be happy when you’re in that kind of state. Everything you eat directly affects your body’s ability to produce hormones, which will dictate your moods, energy, and mental focus. Be sure to eat foods that will keep your mind and body in good shape.

18. Exercise.

Studies have shown that exercise raises happiness levels just as much as Zoloft does. Exercising also boosts your Self Improvement and gives you a higher sense of self-accomplishment.

19. Live minimally.

Happy people rarely keep clutter around the house because they know that extra belongings weigh them down and make them feel overwhelmed and stressed out. Some studies have concluded that Europeans are a lot happier than Americans are, which is interesting because they live in smaller homes, drive simpler cars, and own fewer items.

20. Tell the truth.

Lying stresses you out, corrodes your Self Improvement, and makes you unlikeable. The truth will set you free. Being honest improves your mental health and builds others’ trust in you. Always be truthful, and never apologize for it.

21. Establish personal control.

Happy people have the ability to choose their own destinies. They don’t let others tell them how they should live their lives. Being in complete control of one’s own life brings positive feelings and a great sense of self-worth.

22. Accept what cannot be changed.

Once you accept the fact that life is not fair, you’ll be more at peace with yourself. Instead of obsessing over how unfair life is, just focus on what you can control and change it for the better.

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Rebirth reconsidered

Posted on January 30, 2013 by

As if on schedule, my soon-to-be-seventeen-year-old daughter was having an existential crisis.

“What’s the point of living?” she said. “We’re just going to die anyway. And we’re not going to remember any of it.”

I was actually proud of her, and said so, which she found puzzling. I told her these thoughts were perfectly normal, that I would be worried if she wasn’t having them. What was more shocking to me was the next thing I said.

“Besides,” I continued, referring to our not remembering anything after we’re dead, “you don’t know that for sure.”

I could see this came as a shock to her as well. The idea of any sort of afterlife is not something taken seriously in this house. As far as we are concerned, when you die, it’s lights out.

I once wrote “Immortality lies in the lives we touch, the works we leave behind, and our children.” I still believe that. But I also found myself telling my daughter about an interview with the Dalai Lama I’d read wherein he was asked if he could remember any of his previous lives. He laughed and said he couldn’t even remember what he did last week.

And that got me to thinking. It’s safe to say I started this life inside my mother’s womb, but I have no memory of it. I don’t recall being squeezed out her birth canal either. And I can’t say I have any clear recollections of my first year on the outside. Why should I have any memory of a previous life?

So now I keep something of an open mind on the subject of rebirth. I know there are a lot of different interpretations on what it actually is, that it’s not necessarily straight-up reincarnation. Yes, what we’re afraid of when we die is that we won’t remember any of this life, and that we won’t meet our loved ones on the other side. That’s the BIG attachment. Elementary physics has taught me that matter cannot be destroyed, so when we die, our matter and energy don’t disappear, they just go on to become other things. Is there more to it? I just don’t know. And I still have a problem with karma across lifetimes (which, to me, is not much better than the idea of original sin), but that’s for another post.

My main reason for “coming out” as agnostic on rebirth or an afterlife was to keep my daughter from going down that existential rabbit hole. If you follow it as far as it goes, everything — and I mean everything — really does look pointless. And nothing good can come of that. Perhaps that’s one of the reasons humans invent religions.

I also shared this wonderful illustration from Zen Pencils with my daughter. Yes, we are all going to die. And that makes us the lucky ones:

2012-09-18-dawkins

Posted in Art, Parenting, Quotes, Religion, Zen | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

God is a loaded term

Posted on January 22, 2013 by

sunbeamsI’m a regular reader of CNN’s Belief Blog. More often than not, the blog’s contributors have refreshing takes on the role of faith in American life. They also don’t shy away from addressing the subject from the point of view of non-theists. (CNN in general has become a magnet for theist/atheist arguments; they seem to crop up in the comments section of many of their articles, even when the article isn’t about religion.)

This past week, the blog highlighted the response to an iReport by Deborah Mitchell, a Texas mother of two teenagers. (iReports are stories sent to CNN’s website by users — an exercise in citizen journalism). Mitchell’s report has garnered the second highest number of page views of any iReport, and the most comments of any submission.

The title? “Why I Raise My Children Without God.”

Predictably, there was considerable backlash in the comments section. Some tried to have the report flagged as inappropriate in an effort to have it removed. But many others — including more Bible-belt moms hiding in the atheist/agnostic closet — applauded her bravery. Yes, bravery — because non-believers may well be the most hated minority in the country.

I have quite a bit of sympathy for freethinkers (the term I use for atheists, agnostics and all manner of religious skeptics). This was the road I took to Zen Buddhism. It was Bertrand Russell’s Why I Am Not A Christian that helped me shake off the last vestiges of my Catholic guilt. Thomas Paine and Robert Ingersoll are two of my heroes, freethinkers unjustly ignored by American history. I am truly saddened that Christopher Hitchens is no longer among the living.

Like Deborah Mitchell, my wife and I also decided not to raise our children with organized religion, and to be free and open with them concerning questions about God and spirituality.

When our daughter was born, we did not have her baptized. Much to my relief, this did not cause any problems with the more devoutly religious among our friends and family (perhaps one of the perks of living in New Jersey). In fact, my wife’s grandfather, who had been an officer in the Knights of Columbus, never once questioned us about it, never tried to sway us, and never changed the way he treated us. I found this so incredibly decent that I decided we could meet him half way. We had our daughter baptized when she was eighteen months old (which I know pleased my mother-in-law as well as her father) and also our son shortly after he was born. But that was the extent of our involvement with any formal church.

As our children grew, questions about religion would come up. I would always try to answer them by starting with “In the Christian tradition” or “In the Jewish tradition.” When they would ask what religion we were, I would tell them we were all baptized Roman Catholics but we don’t go to church, and that I was now a Buddhist. I told them they could claim to be either. As near as I can tell, they usually told their friends they didn’t have a religion. And again, this doesn’t seem to have caused any problems.

Questions about God were trickier, because “God” is such a loaded term. When I was younger, my stock response to the question “Do you believe in God?” was “Define your terms.” Of course it was always God as they imagined him in the Bible. I say imagined because I’ve found that a good many people who profess to believe in the God of the Bible have actually read very little of the book. And then my answer is “no.” I’ve felt for a long time that whatever God may be, he or she is in desperate need of better PR.

I have told our children what others believe God to be while admitting that I just don’t know (and that no one else does, either). I’ve always found agnosticism to be the only intellectually honest position, since theism and atheism both seem to require a degree of certainty that I feel is unwarranted.

My children are acquainted with the basics of the Tao and of Buddha-nature. This is how I’ve approached the idea of God, and this seems to make sense to them. One day I’ll also tell them about Emerson’s Over-soul. I know our children don’t believe in a God that sits in judgement up in the sky, dishing out rewards and punishments. They understand that doing good, that acting from a kind heart, doesn’t require these.

I’ve also tried to teach them to appreciate the value others find in religion, and the difference between private faith and religion-based social policy. There is a time and a place for understanding personal needs of the spirit, and a time and place to defend freedom of the mind and heart.

I really do miss Hitchens.

Posted in Emerson, Ingersoll, Paine, Parenting, Religion, Tao, Zen | Tagged , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Teenage Wasteland rears it’s ugly head

Posted on January 9, 2013 by

I was a bit surprised that some chatter about the book “Teenage Wasteland” cropped up in my Facebook feed this morning. I’d hoped this sorry bit of scholarship would have quietly disappeared by now.

It had been an attempt to examine the teen suicides in my home town of Bergenfield, New Jersey in 1987. I didn’t think much of the book then, and I’m sure a re-read would do little to change my opinion. As I remember it, the book seemed more about how clever the author was in conducting her research than about the kids she interviewed.

I wrote an opinion piece in response to the book for my local newspaper in 1991. I’ve reproduced it below. I still stand by it.

*****

I JUST FINISHED reading “Teenage Wasteland,” a recently published book that attempts to examine the circumstances behind teen suicides like the ones in Bergenfield in 1987.
While the author, Donna Gaines, made some valid points concerning alienated youth and the skewed priorities of American culture, I disagreed with her less-than-flattering portrayal of Bergenfield, particularly the high school.

The author is a sociologist. I am not. She spent a month in Bergenfield researching a book. I have spent my life here.

As a student, I did not fit into any of the author’s pigeonholes of high school society. I was not a “burnout,” nor was I scholarship or honor society material. I was just an average student who graduated in the middle of his class.

The two copies of “Teenage Wasteland” at the Bergenfield Public Library seem to be on perpetual reserve. If you want to get in line, you can read the author’s version of Bergenfield High School.

This is my version.

Kurt Vonnegut once said that the noblest of all professions are nursing and teaching. Sad to say, many of us only come to realize this under unfortunate, and sometimes tragic, circumstances.

In the days following the Bergenfield fire that killed William McClain’s family this past spring, I witnessed the struggle of Bergenfield High’s students and faculty to cope with the loss of 16-year-old Bill McClain, a struggle compounded by the tragic death of another 16-year-old student less than a month before, Nakia Wright.

The day before the fire, Bergenfield’s renowned marching band had participated in New York’s welcome-home parade for the Persian Gulf troops. Billy played the French horn in the band. My sister, a senior, was in the color guard.

Sixteen years ago, I played trombone in the band.

So in covering the aftermath of the fire for a local weekly newspaper, I found myself conversing with teachers I had known when I was in school. What came through in these conversations was the love these teachers have for their students. A recurring theme in the conversations was family.

On the day of the fire, several Bergenfield alumni, people who had never met Billy McClain, came to the school to offer assistance, much in the same way relatives gather after the death of a family member.

I spent a good part of thai evening talking on the phone with Gloria Pennell. She is married to Kent Pennell, the marching band’s director. She, too, had been in the Bergenfield High School marching band. She now spends a great deal of her time with the band, particularly the color guard.

Gloria Pennell and I reflected on our experiences, which we had taken for granted as students, and how people tend to take what she says about teachers’ sacrifices with a grain of salt because her husband is a teacher.

She spoke about the commitment of the faculty, about the countless extra hours spent by the art department to put on shows; by the athletic department during summer, weeknight, and weekend training; by the music department in extra rehearsals; by the clubs and organizations during their after-school activities; and by the teachers who make the effort for no reason other than they want to do it.

The Pennells consider the band their adopted children. The Saturday before the fire, they had attended the local Eagle Scout presentation, where Billy McClain was recognized for his achievements.

The Pennells have no children of their own, and, like many young couples, are sometimes questioned about it by well-meaning friends and relatives.

Gloria Pennell said that on such occasions, she just smiles and thinks to herself, “You couldn’t buy what we have.”

Claire Quirke, a senior in the band, agreed about the relationship.

“She is band mother,” Claire said. “And we are her children. All 90 of us.”

Frank Levy, the high school’s music director, had known Billy McClain for eight years. He concurred:

“I know these kids from Grade 4 on. Maybe we’re not all father and child, but at least we’re cousins.”

He said the support the faculty had given the students was reciprocal; he had found comfort in being able to talk about his feelings with his students.

Two days after the fire, the high school had its senior awards night. Principal Ross Medlar believed that it was important to resume a normal routine. Each department, as well as civic organizations, presented awards and scholarships to seniors. The auditorium stage was filled with teachers sweating beneath the klieg lights. I recognized every one of them.

An almost reverent lull fell over the audience as the math department teachers came to the podium. Billy McClain had been a math prodigy. Joyce DeSantis, the head of the department, announced the establishment of a scholarship in Billy’s name. The auditorium erupted with sustained, resounding applause.

Some time later, choir director Michael Benard presented a vocal music award to a student he affectionately referred to as “his son.” Faculty and students alike roared with knowing, appreciative laughter. Such are the relationships at Bergenfield High School.
I thought about the things these teachers had given me, lessons that were not in the texts, lessons that did not come out of their plan books but from their example.

I had learned tolerance. I had learned the value of an individual’s contribution to a group effort. I had learned commitment. I had learned compassion.

It was easy to take those things for granted as a student. It is also very easy to take them for granted as a voting member of the community.

I grew up with one of the so-called “burnouts” mentioned in “Teenage Wasteland.” To this day, I do not fully understand the reasons for his death in 1986, or for the suicides of the four teenagers in that Foster Village garage nine months later.

What I do understand is that children are a community’s greatest treasure.

And teachers are the children’s treasure.

This originally appeared in the August 19, 1991 edition of The Record.

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We are what we consume

Posted on December 30, 2012 by

newtownWHEN MY daughter was very young, we were watching TV together. I don’t recall the program, but it wasn’t a cartoon, and at a certain point, one character hit another. It wasn’t slapstick; it was mild TV violence by my standards.

Not by my daughter’s.

She was horrified. She had never seen anyone do that to another person. I felt like the worst parent in the world. I turned the set off and did my best to explain that what she had seen wasn’t real; it was acting.

But even then, I knew her reaction was the right one, the true one.

Today, her reaction to the massacre in Newtown, Conn., is like so many others: Wouldn’t the world be a better place without guns?

Once again, her reaction is the right one, the true one.

When I was a younger man, I wrote impassioned letters to the editor of my local newspaper about the need for gun control. I’ve had little personal experience with gun violence, other than the story of how my paternal grandfather had accidentally killed his younger brother when they were mere toddlers with a pistol found under their father’s pillow. I can only imagine the effect on him and his family. The only clues of which I’m aware: His parents divorced, he named his first child after his slain brother, and he died a hopeless alcoholic and rests in an unmarked grave.

No, most of my experiences with gun violence come from the news. I’m old enough to remember the Kennedy assassinations. Dr. King. John Lennon. And far too many special reports of carnage in every corner of America. In other countries as well: I haven’t been this shaken since the slaughter in Dunblane, Scotland, in 1996.

I would love a world without guns. But time has made me realize that will never happen. I do believe in strict gun laws at a national level, so one cannot circumvent one state’s laws by simply going to another state.

The Founding Fathers could not have imagined the weapons that are now our reality. It was a simpler time, and the means of defense were much simpler, too. The Second Amendment to the U.S. Constitution was meant to ensure a well-equipped militia in lieu of a standing army, which was seen as an instrument of government tyranny. But now we have a standing army, and the idea that armed citizens could reasonably do battle against it is laughable to me.

In that regard, the Second Amendment is almost as quaint as the Third, prohibiting the quartering of soldiers in private houses. As for self-defense: I have no quarrel with it. And sports? If you need a 100-round magazine to hit a paper target or take down a deer, you’re no marksman. Limits must be set. Just about every other industrialized democracy on the planet has shown that reasonable gun regulations reduce gun violence. Surely, we can follow suit.

For the record, I am a gun owner, of the kind the Founders would actually recognize. I have no use for the National Rifle Association.

So why do I find it so difficult to write another angry piece to a newspaper editor about gun control? Because the problem is bigger than just guns.

We are what we consume. That doesn’t just go for food. It means books, movies, television, games, music, magazines, websites — everything we take into our minds and hearts, and everything we allow into our children’s. Garbage in, garbage out. This is a dark side of the free market: Sell the people what they want. Satiate every impulse and desire, and we end up valuing the wrong things. More than wealth, status, appearance, possessions, ego — we should value each other.

Granted, in a free society, we cannot condone censorship. We can, however, exercise discretion in the marketplace: Turn your back on junk culture, and it will whither away. That seems as likely to happen as getting rid of all guns, but if we at least move in that direction, things can only get better. Not perfect, but better.

Some have claimed the increased violence in our society stems from driving God and religion out of public schools and the public square. I disagree with that reasoning, but not with the larger point.

There is a spiritual aspect to our nature. We neglect it at our peril. We don’t necessarily need to get religion, but we each need to acknowledge that part of ourselves and care for it as surely as we need to care for our physical, intellectual and emotional well-being. It’s the part of us that knows we’re all connected. We’re born with it.

My young daughter’s first reaction to violence was the right one. We’re born with that awareness, and we too easily let it slip away. We need to honor that awareness every day.

This appeared as an opinion piece in the December 30, 2012 edition of The Record.

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