No One Needs Manipulative Family Members That Ruin Their Life—Here’s How You Can Finally Distance Yourself For Good
No One Needs Manipulative Family Members That Ruin Their Life—Here’s How You Can Finally Distance Yourself For Good
Know the Warning Signs
Family drama is inevitable—but the occasional argument isn’t the same as destructive behavior. It’s never easy to deal with a difficult family member, and it’s even harder to walk away from them, but sometimes you have to protect your well-being. With that, here are 10 signs of a toxic family member and 10 ways to deal with them.
1. They Don’t Listen to You
Have you ever tried to speak to a toxic family member? You’ve likely noticed that they interrupt, speak over you, or don’t ask follow-up questions about your life. It often feels like they don’t care about you, which can encourage you to shut down or feel uneasy around them.
2. They Ignore Boundaries
Despite clear lines in the sand, some family members continue to overstep. There’s nothing more frustrating than laying out your boundaries only for someone to cross the line anyway. Real loved ones consider your feelings and won’t ignore what’s important to you.
3. They Always Stir Trouble
Drama finds toxic family members wherever they go. It’s an exhausting hurdle to overcome, and one that spikes stress during any encounter. If they always have something negative to say or they’re butting heads with other family members, it’s good to keep away.
4. They Don’t Take Accountability
It takes guts to approach someone and inform them of their behavior—in a perfect world, they’d hear you out, apologize for any wrongdoing, and you could repair the relationship. But some family members don’t acknowledge their mistakes, usually gaslighting or guilting you for confronting them at all.
5. They’re Passive-Aggressive
No adult wants to deal with passive-aggressive behavior. From snide remarks to unsolicited comments, this kind of emotional immaturity zaps the life out of the room, and it's a telltale sign of toxicity.
6. They Maliciously Criticize You
There’s a big difference between constructive criticism and mean-spirited critique. We expect family to guide us, not shame every decision or criticize us for following different paths. It’s a giant red flag when someone close can’t say anything nice about you.
7. They Make You Uncomfortable
Family should never make you feel uncomfortable, but between cruel comments and exhausting opinions, some apples fall very far from the tree. A big sign of toxicity is when you can't even stand to be around them.
8. They Can’t Have a Conversation
Do your conversations always turn to criticism? Do they have to inject something nasty into every casual discussion? Toxic family members don’t open the floor to conversation, they simply want you to agree with them or expect you to stay quiet while they go on and on.
9. They Never Support You
Though some people struggle to accept certain things, true family welcomes your decisions. Constant discouragement, on the other hand, leads to all sorts of lingering problems like isolation and resentment, neither of which are easily mended.
10. They Guilt-Trip You
A classic example of toxicity is guilt. It’s a form of control when family members try to shame you, so try to shake the feeling that you’re in the wrong. Chances are they’re targeting your sore spots to try and manipulate you.
Now that we’ve highlighted some examples, let’s explore how to finally distance ourselves from all the negativity.
1. Set Clear Boundaries
Setting boundaries isn’t always easy. It can be hard to concretely draw lines when you anticipate pushback, but lay your demands out. Even if a family member doesn’t listen, at least you’ll know you did all you could to communicate with them, which will help with any misguided guilt.
2. Turn the Other Cheek
As difficult as it is, sometimes it’s better to turn the other cheek. We know it seems like an injustice to let ugly behavior go, but it’s worse for your mental health to fight battles that lead nowhere. When the time is right, learn to let it go.
3. Build a Support System
Don’t go through this alone. Build a support system of loved ones who listen to you, offer advice, and provide all the safety you deserve. If you’re dealing with an immature parent, for example, you can bond with your siblings or speak to close friends about your relationship.
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4. Limit Your Interactions
You’re not wrong for limiting contact with difficult people. It’s easier said than done, but if you can restrict interactions with them, you should consider whether that’s the best option. It doesn’t need to be forever either—it can be long enough to give yourself some space.
5. It’s Not You, It’s Them
Oftentimes we blame ourselves for damaged relationships; those feelings are only exacerbated by any passive-aggressive behavior or potential guilt trips. However, it’s important to keep in mind that it’s not you, it’s them. Try to remember that you did all you could and some people just can’t change.
6. Accept You Can’t Change Some People
Speaking of which, there comes a time when we need to accept what we can’t change. Beating your head against the wall won’t help either of you, and it’s sometimes best to acknowledge reality. When you make your peace with that, it becomes easier to adopt safe coping mechanisms.
7. Work to Reduce Stress
We know that difficult family is stressful—but they’re hurting you more than you think. Chronic stress leads to all kinds of health issues like insomnia and high blood pressure, so consider taking a step back. The last thing you need is poor health on top of everything else.
8. Their Drama Isn’t Your Problem
They might be your family, but that doesn’t mean their drama is your problem. You can support family without becoming part of their everyday issues. When you insert yourself too much, you run the risk of more stress and an inescapable dynamic.
9. Remember It’s Okay to Say No
You are your own person and you’re worthy of boundaries—learn to say no. You don’t need to sacrifice your well-being for the sake of others, even family, and sometimes that means getting firm with people.
10. Consider Therapy
Professionals can better help you deal with difficult situations. Whether you attend solo or sit down for family sessions, therapists work to the root of the problem and pave a path toward healing. If you think it’s right for you, don’t shy away from the option.
