Better to Have Loved and Lost
Even love has seasons, and an eventual breakup is another part of life. That being said, a step-by-step guide would be a great help. Here's a list of tips and etiquette to help avoid the heartbreak and start the healing.
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1. Choose a Neutral Setting
Before you can even begin the breakup process, you need to pick a neutral and private setting. A park bench or a quiet corner of a coffee shop discourages confrontation while providing the space for respectful discussion.
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2. Be Honest but Kind
Finding the balance between sharing your true feelings while remaining kind is key to avoiding resentment. Be careful not to be so kind that you omit talking about the actions and behaviors that led here. After all, giving the other person feedback might help them improve their next relationship.
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3. Don't Drag it Out
In an ideal world, a breakup would be a five-minute conversation where both parties nod along and hug it out. Unfortunately, in real life, these things take time. Give it the time it needs, but be careful not to drag it out, as that makes the process more painful for both of you.
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4. Stay Firm
Depending on the relationship, your ex-partner might attempt to change your mind. They may make promises or downplay their actions. Don't fall into this trap, even if you don't want to hurt them. You must stay firm in your decision, there's a reason you decided to breakup in the first place after all.
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5. Show Compassion
Keeping your emotions in check is very difficult when faced with such a volatile situation. But if you can keep calm and collected, it may smooth the process for both of you. Show your ex-partner empathy, especially when they get upset.
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6. Use "I" Statements
It's so easy to blame everything on your ex-partner, and even if they are completely to blame, stick to "I" statements. Focus on how you feel rather than their actions. This way the breakup can be over with before you know it.
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7. Give Them Closure
The last thing you want is them texting you the next night with more questions or asking to meet up again because they don't understand. This is why you have to explain your reasons clearly and provide a firm ending to the relationship right then and there.
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8. Brace for Their Reaction
No matter how kindly you phrase something, your ex-partner is human, and they may get emotional. Prepare for arguing and crying. However, if they begin acting aggressive and can not conduct themselves respectfully, then it might be time to make an exit.
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9. Give Space
After everything is said and done, prepare to give space. Even if you want to remain friends, you should still take a month of buffer time. This way you can both privately process your feelings and begin to move on healthily.
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10. Avoid Text
Everyone says you should never breakup over text, and this is somewhat true. An in-person breakup allows you to show maturity and respect. But remember, if you are afraid this person may act out, you don't owe them an in-person meeting. A quick text or call is perfectly reasonable if the person has already proven themselves unworthy.
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11. Answer Questions
Be prepared to answer questions. Your ex-partner will want to know more about the situation, and answering their questions in a calm and understanding manner can lead to quicker closure.
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12. Return Mementos
You don't have to return every gift, but if they have given you something especially memorable, like their grandmother's ring or their childhood teddy bear—then you're better off returning it. You don't want that memory holding you back, and you want to give them the chance to build new memories with someone else.
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13. Set Boundaries
When all is said and done, it's important to set boundaries. Establish rules for contacting if you decide to stay in touch in the future. If you have items to return or move, discuss strategies then and there to keep from stalling.
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14. Don't Over-Explain
Giving too many details might make the whole breakup too messy. You want to be honest, but you don't want to go into a two-hour monologue about how they never scrub hard enough when doing the dishes. Answer their questions but be succinct.
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15. Avoid Major Events
It's a common sitcom trope to breakup with someone on their birthday. Don't be that person. If the relationship is safe, at least wait until after their birthday, or any other special event, before breaking the news.
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16. Don't Turn it Into an Argument
The goal is to have a discussion, not a debate. You don't want to escalate emotions by shifting blame or snapping back at their questions. It's better to simply let things go and wrap up the conversation.
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17. Avoid Social Media Drama
Posting about your breakup is the worst thing you can do. You don't want the whole world commenting on your business. Even if you do, you might regret it later or inadvertently hurt your ex-partner's feelings.
18. Seek Support
If you do want to share details about the breakup, seek out your trusted friends and family. This process is hard for you too, and it's essential to have people you trust around to build you back up.
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19. Take Time for Yourself
Make sure to take the time to heal, even if you were the one to initiate the breakup. There's no rush to jump back into dating. Focus on feeling your feelings and taking things one day at a time. It's completely valid to mourn your relationship.
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20. Look Forward to the Future
Don't forget to get excited too. Your future is now full of possibilities! You get to experience falling in love all over again. Or, if you'd rather stay single, you can now focus on building a brand-new life and filling it with fun single dreams. Take up a new hobby. Make vacation plans with friends. Buy a dog. The world's your oyster!
