10 Common Reasons Why Couples Fight & 10 Ways To Improve Your Resolution Skills
Tired of getting into fights with your partner? It's normal to disagree and argue with your significant other, but not on a daily basis where there are no solutions in sight. There are a couple of universal things that can cause arguments to begin with, but what matters at the end of the day is how you resolve it. It's time to reflect on your conflict resolution skills by learning about ways you can improve them. That way, the next time you get into a fight over one of these ten common reasons, you'll know what to do.
1. Communication Breakdown
Communication is the foundation of every healthy relationship, so when that starts breaking down, all it does is lead to conflict and misunderstandings. When partners start feeling like they're not being heard, it makes them feel ignored and neglected, easily leading to fights.
2. Financial Stress
A big cause of many fights for couples usually has to do with financial stress. Money issues like irresponsible spending, impulsive purchases, or overall financial instability can put a lot of strain on relationships. Once disagreements about how to budget or deal with debt come up, it can likely turn into conflict if not communicated properly.
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3. Household Responsibilities
If you and your partner live together, it's important that you both set ground rules for chores at the very beginning. That's because if you don't, you'll likely argue over who does what and when. If one partner feels like they have a lot more responsibilities and chores to take care of, it can slowly build and build until an argument breaks out.
4. Intimacy Issues
Everyone has needs, and when you're in a relationship, it's both of your jobs to make sure those needs are met. It can be a sensitive topic to discuss, but when emotional or physical needs are neglected, it can cause a lot of unhappy feelings to bubble up.
5. Parenting Styles
Arguing over parenting differences can be a lot more serious than other minor issues. That's because raising a child is a life-long journey that couples take together. If you start fighting over how to parent now, that can raise some pretty significant disagreements you can't ignore.
6. Jealousy and Trust Issues
In a lot of relationships, two major struggles that couples have to fight through are jealousy and trust issues. Sometimes, we let our insecurities get the better of us and we take that out on our partners. If you can't find a peaceful way to solve this conflict, all it does is create more mistrust and an unhealthy balance that leads to more arguments.
7. In-law Interference
While we always wish for the best and hope that our partners can get along with our families, that isn't always the case. For some couples, nosy in-laws or extended family members can be a real pain in the neck. If boundaries haven't already been established, fights might break out over the way families can control or influence their partner.
8. Different Life Goals
The end game in any relationship is to find someone who shares the same dreams and goals as you, and is willing to work together to make those happen. If you discover you and your partner have differing aspirations in life, whether it be about having a child, career goals, or where to live, it's going to cause some problems.
You'll likely fight over what you both believe to be the "best" route.
9. Stress and External Pressures
It's safe to say that life happens sometimes, and we're all dealing with our own personal challenges. While we do our best to keep this separate from the rest of our lives, sometimes it can bubble and spill over into our relationships too. It's normal though to get frustrated more easily, want to argue more, or be more stubborn when we're feeling stressed.
10. Lack of Quality Time
If you notice your days getting more hectic, you might find it difficult to get alone time with your partner. One on one time is so crucial to a healthy relationship though; it's how you stay connected to your partner. So when both of you aren't able to find time for each other, it can start to feel lonely, which can lead to some arguments.
1. Active Listening
The best way to start improving your conflict resolution skills is by practicing active listening. It's one thing to hear what your partner is saying, but it's another to fully concentrate and understand the meaning behind their words. As your partner shares their feelings, it's also important to show you're listening by nodding your head or doing other things that demonstrate you're paying attention.
2. Stay Calm and Composed
If you want to walk away from an argument feeling like you've both reached a peaceful solution, you always have to maintain a calm composure. Letting things escalate into a yelling match will do you both no good. It's important to stay calm so you can better understand your feelings and carefully think about what you want to say.
3. Use "I" Statements
The next time you're trying to resolve a fight with your partner, take a second to carefully think about the way you phrase your words. Are you using the word "you" a lot? When you're expressing your side of things, it's important to use more "I" statements. Not only will it help reduce blame, it'll let you focus on your own personal feelings rather than attack your partner.
4. Practice Patience
You probably have a lot on your mind that you want to say, but instead of rushing to get it all out, take a deep breath. Conflict resolution is half about sharing your thoughts and half about listening to your partner's. It's crucial that you give each other time to speak so that you can build an encouraging and understanding environment for you both to talk things out.
5. Focus on the Issue, Not the Person
When things get heated, the line can sometimes get blurred between being mad at the situation and at your partner.
So before you start attacking them, stop! You shouldn't be targeting your partner, you should be focusing on the problem at hand.
6. Take Breaks if Needed
Coming to a peaceful conclusion might take time, so it's more than okay to take breaks if you need to. If you need a breather or need a second to compile your thoughts, just let your partner know. Pausing the conversation so you have time to understand your feelings can help you come back with an even better idea of what needs to be done.
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7. Compromise
The answer won't always be easy, and sometimes, you might have to sacrifice a little to get an overall happy ending. That's what compromise is all about. If you find you and your partner can't fully agree on a solution, both of you need to meet each other halfway.
8. Seek Professional Help
There is absolutely no shame in reaching out to a therapist for some help, no matter what society says. Counselors and therapists can provide you with all the right tools you and your partner need to improve on your communication. Having a third, unbiased perspective can also help you see the bigger picture at the end of the day.
9. Establish Ground Rules
It's a good idea for couples to set ground rules following what both parties deem to be the best way to handle conflict.
It gives you space to have a more productive discussion without having to worry that you're stepping on each other's toes. Some ideas might include no interrupting, no yelling, taking turns, or no name-calling.
10. Reflect and Learn
Last but not least, can you really say you've dealt with the conflict if you don't take time to reflect and learn from the experience? This is an important step that can't be ignored. You and your partner both need to think about what went wrong, what worked, and what didn't. These takeaways are what will help you build a strong conflict resolution strategy that can improve future discussions.
