Never Look Desperate
It’s typical advice to hear that you never want to come across as desperate when dating. Something about how people can sense it and will avoid you. Whether this is true or not, there are certain practices you can employ to make yourself look carefree and confident. After all, if you look like you’re having a great time, people will want to be with you.
1. Over-Texting
This is an obvious one and a bit of a modern issue. With texting being the usual communication method, it becomes all too easy to overdo it. Some people say to never double-text, while others say you should only text when you’re planning outings. In reality, just match their energy. If they only shoot you a brief “good morning,” then do the same. If they like to unpack their day and you don’t mind it, then share yours with them.
2. Rushing to Label the Relationship
Christmas might be around the corner, and you’re probably eager to have a partner to take home for the holidays. But wanting to quickly name them your boyfriend or girlfriend will certainly make you come across as desperate.
3. Constant Validation
There’s nothing more annoying than needing constant validation. “Do you think I’m attractive?” gets old after a while, and it comes across as if you have self-esteem issues.
4. “Joking” About Being Soulmates
Nothing throws an awkward wrench into a conversation like joking about how you two should get married or are totally soulmates. It can put a lot of pressure on the person, so it’s better to avoid these kinds of quips.
5. Being Too Available
If you’re always available and by the phone, they’re going to assume you have no life. Nobody wants to date an extension of themselves. Plus, it makes you seem boring if you have nothing going on.
6. Love Bombing
Flowers on the first date or picking up some chocolates they like are casual and fine. But showing up to every date with gifts or constantly sending them stuff leads to two outcomes: either they think you’re desperate for their approval, or they’ll start treating you like an ATM.
7. Excessive Flattery
It’s polite and expected to compliment your date, but one or two comments are more than enough. If all you do is talk about how hot they are or how great it would be to date them, they might think you have nothing of your own to offer.
8. Changing Your Personality
You should never change your entire personality and outlook to appease someone else. They might think you have no values or goals of your own. Or they’ll see it’s all too easy to railroad you and may take advantage.
9. Neglecting Personal Responsibilities
If you stop making time for family and friends, you’re basically showing the person how much you value relationships. Nobody wants to date someone who throws away their loved ones for a fun new fling. Instead, show them you have deep values and care about others. Plus, having an excuse to go out with friends will keep you from looking too available.
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10. Pushing for Intimacy
If you’re only trying to get into their pants, they might assume you’re not good for anything else but that. Rushing for intimacy can also ruin any potential for building attraction or feelings. So if it’s a relationship you want, then savor the dates before putting it all out there.
Now that we have talked about what not to do, here are 10 tips to boost your confidence.
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1. Be Yourself
Obviously, the number one thing to look out for is being yourself. If you don’t apologize for your behavior, start changing your hobbies, or throw away your boundaries for a stranger, then you’ll be just fine.
2. Don’t Ignore Your Friends
Showing your potential partner that you’re not ready to put your life on hold for them does two things. Firstly, it shows that you have a full life and are capable of having fun. The second thing it does is get rid of crazy partners that would want to keep you caged at home.
3. Enjoy the Outing
One way to come across as confident is to enjoy the date for what it is. Whether you’re going out to lunch or taking a hike, by focusing on the fun of being out and about, it won’t be a waste of time if the person sucks.
4. Don’t Complain About Singlehood
Nothing says desperate like complaining about the woes of singlehood. No one likes a downer or a complainer. Plus, if you hate your single self so much, why would they want to date you?
5. Take Your Time
Patience is a virtue, and the more time you take, the longer you have to get a feel for them. Plus, if they see you’re in no rush, it might motivate them to try and initiate things and get the ball rolling. Either way, remember, you’re too unbothered to be rushed.
6. Be a Little Mysterious
A little mystery never hurt anyone. If you’ve ever wondered why those spies in all those thriller movies are so attractive, it’s because they keep things close to the chest. Everyone loves a puzzle, and being too upfront can take the fun out of a long courtship.
7. Never Chase
Some people would say this is a gendered issue, but in reality, neither gender should chase. Remember, chasing is not the same as initiating or making an effort. But if someone is giving you lackluster responses or always needs to be hunted down for a date, you’re better off leaving them hanging and dry. They probably want the attention and will come crawling back when you stop fussing over them.
8. Stay in the Present
It’s all too easy to get swept away with thoughts of the future, but it’s important to live in the moment and enjoy it. If the other person sees how happy you are in the present, they’ll be more interested in being part of it.
9. Keep Your Options Open
You should never commit to someone until monogamy is established. That means unless they’ve asked you for exclusivity, continue to date and see other people. This way, if they end up disappointing you, you didn’t put all your eggs in the same basket. Plus, this takes the pressure off the person to be all in if they’re not feeling it.
10. Don’t Overanalyze
Some of the best advice you can get is not to overanalyze somebody’s actions to try and distinguish if they like you or not. The reality is if someone likes you, they will make it known. You don’t have to read between the lines; it will be apparent that they want to talk to you or spend time with you—even if they’re busy! If someone wants you, they’ll make time. So if they don’t, move on.
