Life Lessons
Marriage and divorce may be two sides of the same coin, but many people are adamant about which side they want to stay on. With separation on the rise, here are 10 tips from men and women detailing common pitfalls you can easily avoid to save your relationship.
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1. Stop Blaming
When things go wrong, it’s easy to start playing the blame game. Maybe you’ve asked them to take out the garbage a hundred times, or they keep forgetting to pick up the milk. Instead of giving in to anger, explain your feelings in a kind and civil manner.
2. Give Them Space
You may want to spend every waking second with the person you love, but too much coddling can all too easily suffocate a relationship. Give them space for their hobbies and friends. Remember, distance makes the heart grow fonder.
3. Communicate Regularly
Never stop communicating. You may think they should have you all figured out by now, but people aren’t mind readers. Drop hints when important events are coming up, and outright explain your expectations.
4. Prepare for Conflict
Conflict is unavoidable, and every couple fights. Having the tools to handle a disagreement and remain respectful is key to bouncing back. If you need space, take some time before having a discussion, but never devolve into name-calling or yelling.
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5. Attune With Them
Becoming a unit is the overall goal of marriage. With that in mind, focus on becoming attuned with your partner. Pick up on their hobbies and mirror their behaviors. Show them your appreciation and dedicate yourself to becoming one. Don't blame them when things go wrong, help them find solutions instead!
6. Question Yourself
Sometimes it’s all too easy to get set in our own ways. Instead of giving yourself a million excuses and outs, be sure to question your own actions and rethink your decisions. If you’re certain you’re in the right, then a few questions shouldn’t shake your ground.
7. Stop Trying to Change Them
Lots of women approach men with thoughts of “fixing them.” This is the common beauty-and-the-beast trope at work. Instead of treating a partner like a project, take them for who they are. You wouldn’t like it if your partner wanted to change things about you.
8. Seek Counsel
Don’t be afraid to ask for help. While some people keep their relationships private, there’s no harm in speaking with a trusted third party, whether that be a family member, friend, or registered therapist.
9. Be Physical
Lots of people think love is an emotional thing and are all too quick to give up on the physical element. However, it’s important to treat intimacy as a priority and make sure that the spark remains alive throughout the relationship. When things become mentally tough, your physicality will help you through it.
10. Treat Them Like a Man
While gender equality is important, there's no harm in building your partner up and treating them like a man too. Laugh at their jokes, let them do the heavy lifting, and thank them when they reach the high places. At the end of the day, you're making your partner feel appreciated.
Now that we have discussed common tips put forth by women, let’s change perspectives and learn some lessons from men who find themselves in the middle of a divorce.
1. Leave Work at the Office
In today’s busy world, it’s all too easy to answer work calls at home and get a head start on Monday’s load over the weekend. Having healthy work boundaries isn’t only essential for your mental well-being, but it’s vital for your relationship too.
2. Always See the Best
Instead of assuming the worst about your partner, be accepting of their weaknesses and remember the best parts of them. There is a reason you fell in love, after all, and holding onto those good things can help you through the toughest times.
3. Make the Most of Every Day
Treating every day like your last may seem like a tall order, but you’ll be glad to do it. Life is finite, and the time we have with our partners is short too. With that in mind, make the most of every day you have with them, whether that means going on spontaneous dates or bringing home little presents.
4. Practice Forgiveness
Humans make mistakes, and it’s all too easy to hold on to anger and let it fester. But what good does that really do? As long as they haven’t done something unforgivable, show grace and let the little things go. Resentment will only make you bitter in the long run.
5. Talk About Money
Financial troubles are the basis of many breakups, which is why you need to stay ahead of the game. Your partner should work with you toward financial security. Don’t be afraid to keep them in the loop and communicate openly about debts and payments.
6. Make Time
It’s important to carve out time in your schedule for your partner. It’s all too easy to prioritize personal hobbies and friends over the people we love, which is why planning dates and scheduling couple time is key to success.
7. Be Vulnerable
Being too tough is a common pitfall for men, who are often prone to hiding their emotions and bottling up feelings. This can lead to explosive reactions and can leave your partner blindsided. Instead, talk openly about your experiences and share your thoughts throughout the day.
8. Don’t Put Them Down
Even if your partner seems to brush off the negative comments, you’re slowly chipping away at their heart. The last thing we want to do is hurt the people we love, which is why insults and slights have no place in a healthy conversation.
9. Embrace the Past
The past has a strange way of haunting us, and you’d be surprised by how many relationships fall apart due to past events. So what if she didn’t tell you every detail about her past relationship? Is it really worth ruining your current relationship over? Remember, your partner chose to have a future with you.
10. Choose Love
At the end of the day, there are a million things to fight about. But being confrontational and bitter often just leaves us lonely with no one to turn to. You could either hold on to principles, or you can hold on to your partner instead. Is the fighting worth it? If it isn’t, you’re better off choosing love.
