First Date Jitters
It's normal to feel a bit anxious before a first date. Not only are the stakes super high, but you want to ensure a good first impression. While we can't guarantee the date will end in marriage, here are 10 questions to ask and avoid to boost your chances for love!
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1. Why are you single?
You're probably trying to gauge the other person's flaws with this question—but it can come across as judgmental. There are better ways to assess temperament without forcing them to relive their past relationships.
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2. How much money do you make?
A person's job is a big part of who they are—after all, they likely spend eight hours of their day working away at a career. However, asking somebody about their job is different from asking about their income. While it is important to have aligning financial goals, it's way too much pressure for a first date.
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3. How many kids do you want?
Family planning is a major part of any relationship, and making sure you and your partner are on the same page is key to avoiding a teary breakup. That being said, talking about a future that's still far off will likely scare the other person away. Save this conversation for a third or fourth date.
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4. How many partners have you had?
Digging up someone's dirty laundry will land you in stormy waters. No one wants to talk about their past relationships, especially not with a potential love interest. If you intend to judge or shame someone for their previous choices, then you're better off never having this conversation at all.
5. Who are you voting for?
Having similar political values is important, especially when it comes to polarizing topics regarding human rights, environmental sustainability, and so on. That being said, this is a touchy subject for a lot of people, and devolving into a debate on the first date can make or break a relationship before it has a chance to start.
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6. Do you always eat this much?
Offering negative comments on a person's eating habits or mannerisms will leave them feeling self-conscious and uncomfortable. Even if your date has an annoying quirk, like chewing with their mouth open, it is better to keep it to yourself for now.
7. Why would you wear that?
Similarly, making snide remarks about your date's outfits or accessories is another way to leave them self-conscious. There's nothing worse than belittling someone for their interests and opinions. Don't be that person.
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8. Do you still talk to your ex?
Maybe you want to understand a person's past relationship to better envision your future relationship—but bringing up exes is asking for drama. Instead of hashing out history, focus on the present.
9. Do you always talk this much?
This can go both ways. Bringing attention to how much or how little someone talks is a sure-fire way to shut down any conversation. Let them express themself—whether that means practicing listening or being comfortable in silence.
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10. What would you call us?
Trying to define a relationship early on puts unneeded pressure on both of you. We know you're eager to dive into the future, but it's more fun to let things organically fall into place. For now, focus on the date and live in the present. What's meant to be will be.
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Now that you know what questions to avoid, here are ten conversation starters guaranteed to get the ball rolling.
1. What do you do for fun?
The goal of a first date is to have fun, which is why it's a great opportunity to dive into your hobbies and interests. Perhaps you'll find common ground in rock climbing or board games, giving you the chance to bond over new and exciting activities.
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2. What kind of music do you like?
Music soothes the soul, and there are so many genres to choose from. Nowadays, everyone listens to music, and connecting over a love for certain artists or styles will bring you closer than you thought.
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3. What are you passionate about?
Dreams and passions are what define people. Everyone is searching for their purpose, and there is nothing deeper than talking about the things that keep you going. This could be a love for nature, a passion for painting, or a dedication to activism.
4. Do you like your job—what would you like to do instead?
Talking about careers is not only important, but it's tricky. Rather than focus on the finances or the caliber of their job, focus on linking their work to their passions. Ask them if they enjoy what they do—and if they don't—ask them what they would like to do instead.
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5. Do you have any siblings?
This is a great segue into talking about family. Everyone has different family dynamics, and seeing how the other person views their parents or siblings is a great way to understand their temperament and attitude.
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6. What experiences shaped you?
Everyone has undergone a range of experiences to get to where they are today. Odds are your date has a few good stories under their belt, and this question gives them a chance to tell those stories.
7. What's the best advice you've received?
Even if the date ends up being a bust, at least you'll leave with another piece of good advice under your belt. Either way, this question allows you to understand the other person's values and see if they align with your own.
8. How do you relieve stress?
Life can be stressful, and relationships both add and subtract from this stress. There will be good times, and there will be bad times, and understanding how the other person reacts to stress is key to long-term happiness. Besides, no one wants to date an explosive hot head.
9. What does your perfect future look like?
Instead of jumping into marriage or kids, let the other person organically tell you about their dreams. It might surprise you to find common ground in travel plans or concert tickets. A future is so much more complex than 401k savings, and this discussion lets you explore all the possibilities without any of the pressure.
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10. What's your ideal second date?
As the date comes to an end, you probably want to know how the other person is feeling about you. Instead of outright asking them if they like you, lead the conversation toward second date plans instead. Even if you decide the person isn't the right fit, at least you had a fun chat.
