10 Reasonable Expectations To Have Of Your Partner & 10 That Are Way Too Extra
A Relationship Shouldn't Feel Like Shackles
When you enter into a relationship, you inevitably and willingly give up some degree of freedom. However, there's a fine line between being intensely and passionately in love and feeling oppressed by a toxic partner. Striking that balance takes thoughtful self-reflection and may entail some tough behavioral changes for you and your partner. Here are 10 reasonable expectations to have of your spouse and 10 that are a little unfair.
1. Kindness
This one may seem obvious, but seeing how couples who have been together for many years bicker, it's good to be reminded to be gentle with your SO. Being nice to each other makes time spent together more pleasant for both of you.
2. Honesty
You can't build a healthy relationship without honesty. Being honest is the backbone of respect. Lying should never be tolerated in a relationship.
3. Empathy
Not everyone is a natural empath. For some, it takes effort to show sympathy and have some emotional intelligence. However, it's not unreasonable to expect your partner to put in that effort and show empathy when you're going through something.
4. Consideration
Part of being in a relationship is taking into consideration someone other than yourself in just about everything you do. While it's important that each of you maintain some degree of independence, if your partner isn't considering your feelings in the decisions they make, it's worth talking to them about it.
5. Quality Time
While you shouldn't expect them to devote every minute of their time to you, it's natural to expect some quality time together. The amount differs from couple to couple but most relationships entail several hours of quality time together per week. After all, if you love each other, why wouldn't you want to spend time together?
6. Intimacy
Intimacy is more than just what happens in the bedroom. It's physical touch, closeness, and kissing too. Every couple is different when it comes to how physical they are, but it's normal to expect some amount of intimacy from your partner.
7. Effort
Relationships take work. If you feel like your partner has completely given up on trying, not putting in the effort that you are, that's a red flag. No one wants to feel like they're in it alone.
8. Trust
Just like honesty should be expected from your partner, so should trust. Without trust, you'll feel like you're walking on eggshells all the time which is no way to live.
9. Compromise
Compromise is the most important part of conflict resolution. If you feel like you're always the one folding when your partner is unwavering, that's a problem. You need to meet each other in the middle.
10. Space
As nice as it is to spend quality time together, you also need to give each other space to explore your individual hobbies and interests and visit friends and family solo. If you feel like your partner is monopolizing all your free time, have a conversation to set boundaries and find a balance that's good for you.
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Now that we've gone over expectations that are totally fair to have of your partner, let's talk about the unreasonable ones you shouldn't put on them.
1. Always Instantly Replying
Don't be "that spouse." Expecting your partner to always reply to you immediately is the definition of extra. If you're always waiting for hours for a reply, that's one thing but if you know they're with friends or family and they take a bit to get back to you, that's no reason to freak out.
2. Being The Source Of All Your Happiness
Before you enter a relationship, you should be in a balanced place in life. In other words, you shouldn't need your partner to make you happy. They should enhance your life, but not in a way that makes it feel like you're completely dependent on them.
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3. Changing For You
Asking your partner to change a very specific action such as leaving their dishes in the sink is reasonable. However, expecting your partner to change their values or personality for you is definitely too much. No one is perfect and it's better to love them exactly how they are.
4. Always Agreeing With You
Your partner is their own person with their own opinions. Expecting them to agree with everything you say is a completely ridiculous expectation.
5. Never Making Mistakes
No one is perfect. Just like you'll make mistakes sometimes, so will your partner. As long as they do their best to make amends, you should allow some leeway.
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6. Reading Your Mind
Never expect your partner to just magically know what's wrong all the time. To avoid conflicts, it's better to clearly communicate how you're feeling.
7. Being Romantic All The Time
Real life is not a Rom-Com. You won't exist in the honeymoon phase forever. While expecting some romance is normal, banking on frequent grand romantic gestures will only leave you disappointed.
8. Never Having Conflict
As each of you enters the relationship with your own experiences and expectations, you'll inevitably butt heads sometimes. It's completely normal and healthy to experience conflict from time to time.
9. Constant Joy & Happiness
Life isn't all peachy and all long-term relationships entail some degree of hardship. From financial worries to family tragedies, you'll have many difficult periods you'll have to manage together.
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10. Devoting All Their Free Time To You
While it's normal to expect some quality hours together, you shouldn't assume your partner will spend every minute of their free time with you. It's normal for them to want to spend some of it with friends and family or on their hobbies and you should give them the space to do so.
