They may happen for a myriad of reasons, but the one thing breakups have in common is how painful they are. Though they feel like the end of the road for most, with enough reflection and growth, some couples gravitate back toward each other. Let’s explore some reasons to never get back with an ex and some common reasons people give it another shot.
1. Irreconcilable Differences
Couples with fundamental differences won’t magically make it work down the road. For example, if one of you wants children but the other doesn’t, you’re looking at a mighty big hurdle—and it’s one you may not be able to jump over together. If your goals aren’t aligned, both of you should move on.
2. You’re Lonely
Loneliness is a difficult emotion to deal with, especially when you can pinpoint the cause. No one said splits were easy, but don’t rush back to an ex to combat very normal aspects of a breakup. In some ways, getting back together with the wrong person can make you even lonelier.
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3. Financial Struggles
With housing and rent prices at an all-time high, it’s tempting to go back to an ex. Though you may need to downgrade or temporarily move in with family, it’s often a better option than staying with the wrong person. Either way, life will be tough right now, but at least you’re moving on when you’re apart.
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4. Rose-Colored Memories
Our brains do this great thing of only remembering the good times. With rose-colored glasses, people second-guess their decisions all the time but have faith that you made the right call. There’s no shame in reminiscing, but don’t use good memories as a shield against the bad ones.
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5. You’re Settling
Don’t settle. You both deserve someone you truly want, not the best of a bad situation—clinging to the wrong person not only harms your mental health, but it prevents you from finding a fulfilling relationship.
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6. Jealousy
Ex-partners are supposed to move on, so don’t reach out to prevent them from happiness. If you don’t want your ex but don’t want someone else to have them either, that’s not their problem! In fact, it’s a great opportunity for you to safely explore your emotions more in-depth.
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7. Prolongs Recovery
Breakups cause all kinds of pain, and sometimes it feels like you’ll never move on. But the only way you’ll stay truly stagnant is by returning to an ex to soothe the pain. Don’t spend one more night together. Don’t try to be friends right away. Take a break from each other so you can move on healthily.
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8. Lack of Growth
Time apart is necessary for healing and growth—getting back together too quickly (or at all) can stunt the progress you make. Next thing you know, you’re back with the exact same person you broke up with.
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9. Harmful Relationships
Whether it’s physical or emotional, abusive partners love to claim that the next time will be different. If they don’t respect your boundaries and keep pushing for reconciliation, they’ve already shown how little they respect you. It won’t be different, you made the right choice, and your support system is there for you.
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10. Nothing Changed
Slipping back into the same relationship you ended isn’t ideal. From getting back together too early to unresolved emotions, dozens of things can drive a wedge between you and if you feel like you’re in the same spot, it’s time to move on for good.
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Relationships aren’t always black and white, though, and sometimes people find their way back to each other. Let’s take a closer look at common reasons exes rekindle the flame.
1. Excitement
Is that little gut feeling telling you to give them a second chance? Do you truly feel like you’ve both grown? Don’t be so quick to dismiss another chance at love. If trying again legitimately gets you excited then it’s worth exploring those feelings.
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2. Genuine Growth
Some exes spend years apart, which is oftentimes for the best. Time welcomes personal growth and maturity, giving you both a chance to address what caused the breakup. A good understanding of these emotions can lead to a stronger second try.
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3. Better Communication
Communication breaks down all the time and it’s a leading cause of breakups. Time apart, however, allows a chance to mature past old mistakes and strengthen how you communicate. Even if you don’t wind up back together, better communication can easily cause a friendship.
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4. Honest Exploration
Infidelity or weaponized incompetence are often enough reasons for a breakup, but that doesn’t mean people are incapable of change. While it’s certainly not for everyone, some are more willing to explore these issues and work through them together rather than go their own way. There’s no “right” call either—it’s about what’s best for you.
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5. Goal Alignment
If your life goals are better aligned after time apart, it could be worth exploring. Shared goals can strengthen the relationship and you may discover you’re more compatible now that you’re on the same page in life.
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6. Rekindled Flames
Time away from each other can stoke sparks into flames. It’s natural to feel something when you see an ex, but if you both feel that same pull you once did, it may be worth looking into.
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7. Resolved Issues
Partners can clash on any number of things and unresolved issues are a surefire way to break up. However, proper resolution lays bare root problems so you can potentially move forward together. True exploration and communication can pave a solid path back to each other.
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8. Maturity
You literally never know when you’ll encounter an ex. Dating at 19 looks far different than dating in your 30s, and if you two happen to stumble into each other again, who knows how you’ve grown? Maturity looks good on anyone and enough of it is sometimes enough to bring back old feelings.
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9. Broken Obstacles
Relationships also end because of external factors like busy schedules or career relocation. That doesn’t mean the love stopped, though, and when those factors no longer hinder a relationship, it could be time to explore reconciliation.
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10. Accountability
Real accountability isn’t always easy—it takes reflection, honest apologies, and sincerity at the very least. But those who take responsibility for their actions have taken the first step toward improvement, and when someone is dedicated to change, it could be worth a second chance in some cases.
