Our Parents Shape Who We Are—For Better or Worse
It’s not always easy to spot an emotionally immature parent. While some rely on the silent treatment, others form a codependent bond where they place too much pressure on their child. Some don’t engage in proper conversation while others have volatile emotions. But recognizing the signs is a first step to moving forward, especially in adulthood. Let's explore some signs of immature parents and how they can impact adulthood.
1. Lack of Boundaries
Emotionally immature parents don’t always respect their children’s boundaries, even into adulthood. For example, you might ask them to stop calling you every day only for them to cry or get angry—and then keep calling. On the flip side, they could also ignore you to “teach a lesson.”
2. You Felt Trapped Growing Up
Children in restrictive environments can easily grow up feeling like they’re trapped. It doesn’t help when a parent uses guilt or shame to get what they want. Emotionally immature parents rarely have proper conversations, so it can feel like walking on eggshells to avoid any blame or irrational emotions.
3. They Don’t Take Responsibility
In a perfect world, wrongdoers would accept responsibility and apologize. In reality, however, emotionally immature parents don’t accept blame. They might get upset, blame others, or get angry with you for expressing how you feel.
4. Individuality Wasn’t Encouraged
Some parents would rather exercise control than allow expression. This means children aren’t encouraged to have their own beliefs, interests, or personality traits. They may not see a need for their child’s individuality or would rather have more say in who they become.
5. Extreme Emotions
It’s hard to gauge how emotionally immature parents will respond to everyday situations. Sometimes they cry. Sometimes they get angry. Other times they throw tantrums until they get what they want. Either way, that volatile environment greatly impacts children and can have serious consequences in adulthood.
6. One-Sided Conversations
Immature parents aren’t always interested in a proper conversation. They may have cut you off or redirected the conversation back to them. Other times, it’s easy to tell they’re not listening because they don’t ask questions or forget that you mentioned something to them already.
7. They’re Controlling
Emotionally immature parents often try to control their children—and that takes many forms. Some parents make decisions for their kids, even into adulthood. Others can show aggression when their kids want more autonomy. In other cases, you may have felt controlled solely by their emotions. 
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8. Emotional Dependence
Some immature parents are far too attached to their children. They share personal problems or rely on you for therapeutic advice. Not only does this place unnecessary stress on their child, but these types of parents might even get upset when their kids aren’t “there for them.”
9. Lack of Empathy
When everything centers around one person, it’s hard for them to recognize harmful behavior. They likely don’t realize how their emotions or control affect children, and in extreme cases, they don’t necessarily care.
10. The Silent Treatment
Emotionally immature parents don’t have a good sense of boundaries or communication skills. When they get upset, a go-to move is often the silent treatment, which makes it harder to communicate with them and could easily lead to feelings of guilt or neglect.
Now that we’ve seen some telltale signs of immature parents, let’s explore all the ways this can impact adulthood.
1. You’re a People Pleaser
Children who grew up under constant scrutiny or guilt for expressing emotions can grow up to people-please. In some cases, it seems easier to just give people what they want rather than speak up for yourself. You may also feel like your feelings don’t matter.
2. You Struggle to Set Boundaries
Children whose boundaries were never respected can struggle with them in adulthood. You may have internalized that boundaries were selfish or feel beaten down preemptively, thereby not setting them at all. You might also struggle to respect other people’s boundaries.
3. You Have Heightened Emotions
Children learn a lot from their parents—even the negative stuff. So, when a parent can’t control their emotions, their kids pick up on that and have a harder time regulating their own in adulthood.
4. You’re a Perfectionist
Some emotionally immature parents have no tolerance for mistakes or “underperformance,” which causes their children to adopt the perfectionist mindset. You’re likely way too hard on yourself and probably aren’t happy with your achievements.
5. You Hate Conflict
Growing up with immature parents can feel like a rollercoaster. You never know how they’ll respond to even simple conflict, which makes it harder to face in adulthood. When you’re conditioned to tiptoe around people’s emotions, you aren’t as equipped to handle head-on conflict down the road.
6. You’re Never Vulnerable
On the other hand, not every immature parent relies on their child for support. Some aren’t vulnerable at all, which impacts their children later in life. You may struggle to show emotions or confide in others.
7. You Have Anxiety
Stressful childhood environments impact kids in ways they might not recognize—it’s only in adulthood some people notice how anxious they are. Unpredictable environments or neglectful parents can cause high levels of anxiety in their children, something that doesn’t wear off as they age.
8. You Struggle With Relationships
Whether you’re codependent or have an avoidant personality, children with immature parents might struggle to maintain their own relationships. Some have a harder time communicating while others may think they’re only worthy of love if they’re “perfect.”
9. You Have Low Self-Esteem
Highly critical parents greatly impact a child’s self-esteem. Though it’s hard enough to deal with in childhood, it’s just as difficult in adulthood. Some people may feel like their accomplishments aren’t good enough or scrutinize everything they do.
10. You Never Put Yourself First
If you feel like you weren’t listened to, weren’t encouraged to be your own person, or couldn’t safely express yourself, you’ll likely put yourself second in adulthood. Those childhood lessons impact adulthood, and those who grew up in that environment don’t always recognize their worth.
