Which One Are You?
If you grew up with siblings, you know just how complex family dynamics can get. Whether you were the favorite or were contending with a preferred sibling, these relationship behaviors can shape the very person you grow into. With that in mind, here are 10 signs indicating your upbringing.
1. Golden Child: Sense of Self
Most golden children struggle to form whole, independent personalities and truly gain a sense of their own identity. This is because they often feel like a part of their parental unit or are given so much guidance in life that they flounder when left to their own devices.
2. Golden Child: People-Pleasing
Golden children are actually terrified of disappointing their parents and are hence eager to please other people and authority figures. They’ll try to catch bees with honey rather than vinegar and can be quite charming when they try.
3. Golden Child: Lack of Empathy
Golden children often have to focus on their own goals and expectations and usually don’t have time to sympathize with others. This not only leads to an inflated opinion of themselves but also a lack of empathy for others.
Transly Translation Agency on Unsplash
4. Golden Child: Seeking Perfection
Golden children are given very little wiggle room and always have to be perfect to appease their parents’ expectations and demands. Not only is this exhausting, but it leads to internalized perfectionism, which in itself can be quite damaging.
5. Golden Child: Fear of Rejection
As the golden child, you’re used to getting your way and being shown plenty of positive attention. You’re not used to the adversity of rejection, which is why it can be a scary thing to even consider. It’s also possible that your golden child status relied on you constantly succeeding to stay in your parents’ good graces.
6. Golden Child: Criticism
Most golden children cannot handle criticism, as it’s something they simply didn’t grow up with. They’re used to being praised and can even compete at a high standard. But anything outside of positive encouragement can be regarded as a personal attack or a rejection.
7. Golden Child: Low Self-Esteem
You might think with all the praise they’re getting, surely golden children feel like a big deal. In reality, all of their self-esteem comes from external validation, which is very weak and can be shattered the moment someone says the wrong thing.
8. Golden Child: Parentification
Golden children are often the ones being turned into adults quickly. This means they’re the ones expected to get good jobs and take care of their parents at an early age. They can also be expected to watch after their other siblings and handle complex chores.
9. Golden Child: Chronic Stress
The combination of high expectations paired with low social tolerance makes golden children very susceptible to stress. This stress can affect them for their entire lives and even build up into bouts of anxiety.
10. Golden Child: Burnout
Despite doing their best to please others and meet expectations, golden children can often do too much in order to stay shining in their parents’ eyes. Often, there is too much expected of them, and they’ll eventually be burned out and on edge.
Now that we have talked about behaviors that indicate you’re a golden child, here are 10 signs you were the black sheep.
1. Black Sheep: Often Blamed
It doesn’t matter who made the mistake or who started the fight—it’s almost always your fault. Directly or indirectly, your family finds a way to blame you for its issues, whether that be poor finances or a sibling’s bad grades.
2. Black Sheep: You Feel Alone
Black sheep go through their whole lives feeling quite lonely. They never quite fit in and are used to doing things for themselves on their own. They struggle to relate to other people and find it safer to lone-wolf their way through the world.
3. Black Sheep: Othered
You feel separated from your family, both mentally and emotionally. It’s as if they don’t understand your needs or your goals. This feeling can go on into adulthood, where you continue to struggle to connect with other people.
4. Black Sheep: Self-Reliance
You would think black sheep rely on themselves to govern their lives, but in reality, they really struggle to trust themselves. This is because they spent their entire childhood being told their instincts and inner compass were wrong, which leaves them feeling quite lost as adults.
5. Black Sheep: You Feel Unlovable
Plenty of people go through life thinking if someone simply got to know them, they would be loved. It’s the opposite for a black sheep, as they’re constantly afraid that if someone learns who they are inside, they’ll dislike them and leave.
6. Black Sheep: Out of the Loop
As a black sheep, you’re often the last one to hear about any family updates or news. Worse, you might not even get invitations to celebrations—or if you do, they’ll be delayed at best.
7. Black Sheep: You’re Bullied
Obviously, black sheep are often used as the family punching bag. This could be from casual belittling remarks to outright bullying or public shaming. This can, of course, lead to trust and esteem issues throughout adulthood as well.
8. Black Sheep: Non-Committal
Unsurprisingly, black sheep struggle to commit to others. Anything that requires emotions, from adopting a pet to proposing to a girlfriend, can be a major step that brings up old fears.
9. Black Sheep: Social Anxiety
Black sheep are more prone to social anxiety and sincerely struggle to find their place among friends and colleagues. They might prefer to just stay indoors or away from group gatherings and stick close to only a few select friends for emotional validation.
10. Black Sheep: A Clean Slate
On the bright side, black sheep have an easier time slipping away from their families and starting fresh as adults. They can wash away the old hurt and find freedom in their next chapter—but only if they’re strong enough to take it.
