Never Too Late to Heal
Narcissistic parents are essentially selfish and self-obsessed authority figures who are more interested in manipulating their children than raising them right. Their love usually comes with strings attached, and they can be quick to disappear if a child stops serving their needs. If you find yourself having been raised with such parents, know that it’s never too late to break the cycle.
1. Self-Doubt
Children of narcissists often go their entire lives being second-guessed. They’re taught not to trust their own judgment but instead defer to the opinions and choices of their parents. This can lead to them feeling very insecure as adults, and they’ll often struggle to make decisions for themselves.
2. Emotionally Hyper-Aware
Children of narcissists are deeply linked with the emotions and feelings of others. They’re acutely aware and worried about causing stress or disappointment, and this is mostly because their own parents would weaponize their emotions to get what they want.
3. People-Pleasing
Children of narcissists are trained from an early age to please their parents, and this, in turn, extends to pleasing others. They’re more concerned with keeping everyone around them happy, even if that comes at the cost of their own mental health and stability. In fact, as adults, they’re likely to overlook toxic behavior due to their people-pleasing nature.
4. Low Self-Esteem
Unsurprisingly, children of narcissists have very low self-esteem. They always feel like they are less than or that they’ll never amount to anything. This is due to the expectations their parents put on them and the constant guilt and criticism they faced growing up.
5. Parentification
Children of narcissists are often the most responsible individuals around, at least when it comes to taking care of others. This is usually because they are turned into parents from a young age and are expected to look after their siblings or their own parents.
6. Imposter Syndrome
This is a popular phrase to throw around nowadays, but it essentially refers to people who have experienced success but feel it is unearned or accidental. These people feel like frauds and are afraid of being found out, and this also stems from their low self-esteem and feelings of doubt.
7. Trust Issues
For children of narcissists, it’s always difficult to understand the intentions of others. Since most of their life is spent with people trying to manipulate them with love, any form of love may feel transactional.
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8. Emotionally Numb
Children of narcissists may be emotionally unavailable and numb, as they have learned to suppress their emotions through a childhood of training. Narcissistic parents would likely belittle them for feeling anger or sadness and would guilt them into only expressing emotions that benefit the parent.
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9. Talking About Others
In conversations, children of narcissists are more likely to ask questions about the other person and focus the conversation on anyone but themselves. This is because their parents would make everything about themselves, leaving the children with no outlet to talk about their own achievements or interests.
10. Self-Identity Issues
Children of narcissists often struggle to identify themselves. So much of their life is dictated by the wants and needs of their parents, so it’s hard to cut out that noise and figure out who they truly are and what they actually want.
Now that we have talked about the lasting effects of growing up with narcissistic parents, here are 10 ways to set healthy boundaries.
1. Set Boundaries
As you enter adulthood, narcissistic parents may still try to take advantage of you and flex their control. It’s important to cut off this control by setting boundaries. For instance, if you’re worried about them trying to mess with your personal or dating life, you can refuse to talk about it.
2. Staying Firm
Naturally, narcissistic parents may argue against any attempt to set boundaries, which is why it’s important to stay firm. Unfortunately, the children of narcissists are trained to relent and give in to emotional guilt, but they must find a way to stand their ground.
3. The Broken Record Technique
You can attempt to approach arguments very logically and continuously say, “I’ve already answered that,” when narcissistic parents push for more information. This way, you can exhaust them by constantly restating your boundary until they give up.
4. Have Private Accounts
In the era of social media, it’s very easy for people to learn everything about you just by searching your name. You can limit this by setting all your accounts to private and being cautious about the information you share.
5. Make Some Distance
If you’ve reached adulthood and still live at home, this can be especially dangerous when living with narcissistic parents. They’ll likely never give up their control until there is physical distance. With that in mind, moving out should be a top priority, even if it means having to make financial or physical sacrifices.
6. Use Physical Boundaries
Once you’ve moved out, it’s easier to use physical space as a powerful boundary. This could mean locking your doors and making sure no one else has the key. Alternatively, you could simply not tell your parents where you move.
7. Enforce Consequences
After you’ve identified their narcissistic behaviors, it becomes easier to limit them. For instance, if you notice them using manipulation to get information out of you, you can clearly state that if they continue, the conversation is over. Now that you’re not in their physical range, there’s really not much they can do if you hang up and mute the phone.
8. The Gray Rock Method
This method refers to detaching emotionally from a situation to discourage interest. Essentially, you give bland one-word responses to everything they say. This makes you an unsatisfying target for their manipulation, meaning they’ll be more likely to leave you alone.
9. Don’t Try to Make Them Understand
Children of narcissists desperately want to make their parents understand how their manipulations and tactics are hurtful, but the reality is that narcissists are incapable of self-reflection or accountability. Rather than try to change them, your efforts are better spent protecting yourself.
10. Seeking Help
Despite what narcissistic parents tell you, you should never be afraid to seek out professional or casual help. This could mean seeking out a therapist, joining a support group, or even confiding in friends. There’s no shame or harm in needing help.
