They say the older you get, the fewer true friends you’ll actually have. Though we’d like to think every friendship lasts forever, sometimes the lights dim faster than we realize—or in little ways we don’t immediately recognize. Here are 10 ways to spot whether your friendship is over and 10 ways to move forward.
1. Loss of Communication
It’s one thing not to connect the way you once did. After all, we get busy as we get older, and true friends understand that. But if there’s no communication at all, it’s an indicator that something’s wrong.
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2. Absent During Big Moments
Think about the biggest moments in your life up until this point. Who was by your side through them? A friend will be there through peaks and valleys, milestones and celebrations. If your friend hasn’t shown up lately, it’s usually not a good sign.
3. Out of the Loop
There was a time when you two shared everything, but now you only get updates through the grapevine. Friends keep you up-to-date and if you don’t have the same in as before, your friendship might be wavering.
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4. They’re Not a Go-To
Is this friend someone you still get excited to contact about big news? No matter what you go through, we know who’s in our support network—and if this friend isn’t on the list anymore, look at why.
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5. You’re Exhausted
There may have been a time you’d have died to speak with them, but now you leave them on read or get exhausted at the mere thought of them. Friends who don’t make you happy aren’t friends at all.
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6. Nothing to Say
We’re not talking about a comfortable silence. We’re talking about when you catch up and instead of pleasant conversation, you sit with the awkward knowledge that maybe you don’t have anything to say anymore.
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7. One-Sided Effort
One of the deepest hurts is feeling like your friend ignores you. If you constantly put in the effort to hang out or speak with them and get nothing in return, chances are your friend has already pulled away.
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8. Plans Never Happen
Sometimes you can’t see friends for months or even years, but the best friendships allow you to pick up right where you left off. On the other hand, dying friendships are the ones where you never meet at all anymore.
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9. You Can’t Find Value
It’s hard to forget the smile a friend once brought, especially when you know the connection’s breaking. But be honest about whether this friendship holds any real value anymore, and if it doesn’t, do what’s best for you.
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10. They Only Ask For Favors
If your friend only pops their head up to ask a favor, they’re not a very good friend. Real friendship is companionship and closeness, not a random text asking to borrow your car.
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It can be hard to turn the page on a friendship. In some ways, it can be even harder than a romantic breakup. But if a friendship fizzled, here are 10 ways to try and move forward.
1. Give it Time
A lost friendship won’t feel good. It’s normal to mourn the loss before you try and move on. In fact, it’s healthy.
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2. Be Honest
If you think the friendship is worth salvaging, get in contact with them. Lay everything on the table—tell them you feel things are one-sided or that you hardly see them. Sometimes people have no idea how they affect you and bringing it to their attention could help you reconnect or get closure.
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3. Indulge in Self-Care
Pamper yourself after such a hit. Treat yourself to a little self-care to forget about things for a while and help bring you peace.
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4. Make Time to Reflect
There’s nothing wrong with looking back on the good times. Your friend meant something to you and reflecting on special memories may one day bring a smile to your face, not a tear to your eye.
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5. Let Yourself Grieve
Don’t bury your emotions. Bottling things up always spells trouble down the line and it’s best to feel your emotions on the road to healing.
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6. Focus on New Things
To help distract you, turn to new hobbies or interests. Now’s a good time to learn something new or take a class after work. You never know, you may even meet some new people along the way!
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7. Lean on Support
Talk about the loss with those closest to you. Losing one friend can make turning to others all the more crucial.
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8. Know That it Happens
Sometimes a friendship fades without fault. It hurts to know that neither of you is in the wrong, but it’s a good stepping stone to cope with one of life’s biggest hardships.
9. Don’t Try to Replace Them
You don’t need to replace someone who was close to you. Going into new friendships, or even existing ones, with the mindset that they’re a replacement only makes other people feel used. It also isn’t healthy to pretend an old friendship didn’t happen; it’s a hard truth that some people turn into memories.
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10. Let Go
Don’t force a friendship. If you tried to reconnect to no avail or know that a friendship isn’t worth it, let go. It’s better for you in the long run to just accept it.
