It’s always rough to see someone we care about struggle with their mental health—but it can be just as rough knowing the “right” thing to say. Here, we’ve broken down some of the worst things to say and what to say instead.
1. “It’s in Your Head”
Yes, that’s where thoughts are, but statements like this imply that mental illness is something to be “willed” away. It can also make someone feel like they’re being blamed for their struggles, which isolates them further.
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2. “Just Get Over It”
You wouldn’t say this in the face of tragedy, so why say it to someone with mental illness? Mental health is meant to be nurtured, the same as physical health—not “gotten over”. Statements like this also disregard the severe symptoms that can come with mental illnesses.
3. “Be Happy”
Though this sentiment often comes from a good place, happiness isn’t a switch in the brain, especially with mental illnesses. Many symptoms are beyond someone’s control and require legitimate help, not just happy thoughts. Phrases like this can also make someone feel like symptoms are their fault.
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4. “It Could be Worse”
Life isn’t a competition, and that goes for mental health, too. One person’s struggles don’t negate another’s, and implying they do can be quite harmful. At the end of the day, statements like these only invalidate pain.
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5. “You Don’t Look Sick”
Oftentimes, mental illness doesn’t have physical symptoms, which makes statements like these particularly harmful. Phrases like this imply pain is irrelevant or simply absent because people don’t “look the part,” which can also make people feel like their legitimate concerns aren’t taken seriously.
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6. “Just Think Positive”
Positive thinking can be helpful, but there’s a time and place. “Thinking positive” isn’t a cure-all for mental illnesses, and this suggestion oversimplifies the challenges of mental illnesses. It can also make people feel as if they’re being blamed for their experience.
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7. “Everyone Feels That Way Sometimes”
People often say this in good faith, all without realizing how harmful it is. For example, there’s a big difference between being sad at a funeral and full-blown depression. Mental illness is far more persistent and debilitating, and it’s important to recognize the difference.
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8. “It’s Just a Phase”
Mental illnesses aren’t bellbottoms—they’re the farthest thing from a phase. Suggesting that struggles can pass without professional help only dismisses the chronic nature of many mental illnesses.
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9. “Have You Tried…”
Though healthier diets and exercising can support mental health, they’re not lifelong solutions for mental illnesses. Asking questions like these can dismiss the severity of mental health struggles and suggest that a “cure” is as simple as lifting weights.
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10. “Mental Illness Isn’t Real”
Denial is easily one of the worst things you can do to someone struggling. Insinuating that symptoms aren’t real invalidates legitimate concerns, further perpetuating the stigmatization of mental illness.
On the other hand, there are several helpful things you can say to let people know you’re there for them.
1. “I’m Here For You”
Sometimes the best thing you can do is let someone know you’re there for them—offering support without any unsolicited advice allows people to share in due time. It can reassure them that they’re not alone while also reminding them that you legitimately care.
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2. “How Can I Help”?
Rather than offering outdated advice or being inadvertently insensitive, simply ask how you can help. This shows the other person you’re actually willing to help however is most helpful for them. It also allows them to communicate their needs.
3. “Take Your Time”
Talking about mental health is challenging, so encouraging someone to approach in their own time can take some of the pressure off. Patience goes a long way, and phrases like this acknowledge that healing isn’t a linear process.
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4. “You’re Not Alone”
Reminding someone of their support system makes all the difference. Gentle reminders offer comfort and can encourage people to speak openly about their struggles, especially because they know they’re part of a larger community that genuinely understands them.
5. “I Care About You”
You don’t always need to know the “best” or “smartest” thing to say—sometimes it’s enough to remind people you care. Letting them know you care about their happiness shows you’re actually sympathetic and available to help.
6. “Do You Want to Talk”?
Opening the door to communication lets people approach when they’re most comfortable. Even if you don’t know the “right” thing to say, listening without judgment or unsolicited advice is more than enough in some situations.
7. “You Can Always Call Me”
It’s important to let friends and family know that you’re always there for them. Reaching out puts the ball in their court, allowing them to call whenever they need—all without pressure.
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8. “Thank You for Sharing”
Confiding in someone about mental illnesses is a dice roll. You never know how people will respond or if they’ll be supportive, so be sure to let those closest to you know how appreciative you are. Thanking them instead of judging them lets them know you care.
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9. “Do You Want Help or Someone to Listen”?
Not everyone who confides about their mental illnesses wants a “solution”. Sometimes, they’d like someone to listen to them so they can feel heard and validated in a safe space. Asking about their needs beforehand lets them know you’re available for support in the way they need.
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10. “You’re Doing Your Best”
Oftentimes, those who struggle with mental illnesses feel like they aren’t doing enough to beat symptoms; between guilt and society’s stigma, it’s easy to feel like their best isn’t enough. Reminding them of the opposite goes farther than you think.
