Welcome to Modern Dating
There was a time when meeting people in public or waiting by the landline was part of the dating experience. That isn’t the case anymore. Now, it’s all about apps and texting, and that can make building a connection quite tricky. To help you out, here are the do’s and don’ts of texting.
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1. Don’t Just Say “Hello”
There’s nothing more annoying than starting a conversation with “Hello” or “Hi” or any other form of greeting that doesn’t really go anywhere. It doesn’t give the other person much to work with. All they can really do is reply “Hello” back, and you’re back to square one. Instead, say “Hello” and then add a question to the message, such as “What are you up to?” or “How is your day going?”
2. Don’t Assume the Worst
When it comes to texting, you can’t see the other person’s face, so it’s all too easy to assume the worst or get caught up in your emotions. If they don’t reply in a timely manner, don’t assume they’re ignoring you—they might just be busy. Or if they’re giving brief responses, it doesn’t mean they hate you; it might just mean they’re a bad texter.
3. Don’t Wait Forever
Everyone has strange rules on how long you should wait before texting somebody back. But there’s no space for games in a mature relationship. Instead, text back whenever you have the time or capacity to do so. There’s no set rule on waiting!
4. Don’t Be Provocative
Introducing steamy or intimate materials into texting is something you should avoid unless it’s explicitly requested. Nobody wants to be sent a surprise picture out of the blue. It’s better to leave all of that physical stuff for when you’re deeper into the relationship.
5. Don’t Overtext
If you find yourself sending three texts in quick succession only to add more an hour later when the person hasn’t replied, you’re overdoing it. Instead of overloading them with questions and appearing too available, give them however long they need to respond to your initial text before sending more.
6. Don’t Be Brief
Nobody likes one-word answers—even a few-word answers are kind of lame. If somebody is putting effort into crafting questions and having conversations, you should match their energy and send thoughtful responses and questions of your own.
7. Don’t Be Pushy
If someone is busy or isn’t too responsive at the moment, don’t get aggressive or pushy, demanding where they are and accusing them of ignoring you. Give them space and time, and if the habit continues, then it’s time to cut your losses.
8. Don’t Ghost (Unless You Have To)
Ghosting is when one person suddenly ignores texts and stops responding, leaving the other to wonder what went wrong. It’s considered bad manners, and it’s better to just let the person know that it isn’t working out and give them peace of mind. The only exception to the rule is safety! If the person is being aggressive and you feel unsafe, then you can ignore them to avoid a bad reaction.
9. Don’t Be Afraid to Call
Just because you’re texting doesn’t mean you can’t have an old-fashioned phone call instead. Just let the other person know you’d like to call and ring them up. It’s far easier to gauge tone and have a conversation over voice, after all.
10. Don’t Expect a Quid Pro Quo
While it’s nice and polite for someone to match your energy, you’ll only hurt yourself if you expect it. If you give long responses but they don’t, it may be unfair, but there’s not much you can do except mention it. You should never expect a quid pro quo, and it’s not a big deal as long as they’re engaged in the relationship during your in-person meetings.
Now that we have talked about what not to do, here are 10 tips to make dating over texting far easier.
1. Do Add Emojis for Tone
Some people turn their noses up at the use of emojis, but they have a place in the world of texting. Since we can’t see faces or hear voices to gauge tone, the only way we can do so is through the use of emojis. A smiley face emoji lets the person know you mean what you say with good nature, while a sad face conveys that you’re going through something.
2. Do Focus on Making Plans
When texting, the emphasis really should be on making plans and meeting up. Think of texting as a way to get you from point A to B, and it’ll make the whole ordeal a lot easier.
3. Do Mind Your Spelling
Some people think spelling and grammar don’t matter, but it honestly makes you come across as uneducated or unwilling to put in effort. Current tech makes it pretty easy to spot your underlined mistakes and fix them.
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4. Do Mind Your Manners
Just because you’re texting doesn’t mean you can do or say whatever you want. It’s important to remain polite and avoid touchy subjects. Manners should apply in everything you do, after all.
5. Do Have Genuine Conversations
Although texting should be used to make plans, don’t be afraid to have a genuine conversation. Ask questions that matter to you, and find common ground and interests whenever you have the chance.
6. Do Be Honest
Just because you’re texting and they can’t see what you’re doing is no reason to lie. If you’re sitting at home bored, don’t lie and say you’re currently out playing beach volleyball. Texting is an easy gateway toward lying, so be careful not to lose yourself to it.
7. Do Send Pictures and Voice Notes
Although texting is focused on the written medium, it doesn’t mean you can’t take advantage of other media tools. If you prefer communicating over voice but don’t have time for a lengthy call, simple voice messages or notes are a nice touch. Plus, if you don’t have much to say but want to touch base with the other person, you can just send them a picture of what you’re doing.
8. Do Proofread Your Texts
Just like in person, you’re supposed to think about what you say before you say it. Similarly, in texting, you should read what you send before sending it. This gives you a moment to ensure there are no spelling or grammar mistakes and also to make sure it lines up with what you want to say.
9. Do Make Jokes
Texting doesn’t have to be all serious and technical. Instead, you can have fun with it, and you shouldn’t be afraid to do so either. Feel free to make jokes over the phone!
10. Do Take Your Time
Finally, with so many things to keep in mind, it’s important to take your time. Even if you see a text and are available to respond, you don’t have to reply until you’re ready. Maybe you need to think about your response, or maybe you’re busy after all. There’s no rush! But if you’re going to be away for hours, it doesn’t hurt to let them know you’ll be away and will get back to them later.
