The Original Influencer
There’s no denying that movies shape us as we grow up, molding us into the men and women we become and teaching us life lessons that we carry with us. It’s no surprise that these same movies have altered our perception of dating. From women waiting for Prince Charming to men picking fights in the name of love, here are the 20 most noteworthy pieces of advice movies have given us.
1. You Can Fix Them (Beauty and the Beast)
It’s become a running joke, but many people see someone with terrible habits or behaviors and decide they can change them. In real life, the beast isn’t going to become a prince. Instead, he’ll likely stay a beast, and you’ll have wasted your efforts.
2. Change Your Personality (Grease)
Like many movies and musicals from the era, the message seems to be that you have to change your entire personality to be lovable. In Grease, Sandy had to give up her prudish ways and transform into a leather-studded diva to win Danny. Similarly, Danny was ready to give up his friends and become a preppy jock to appease Sandy.
3. Cheatings Fine (Titanic)
Most people are still caught up on whether there was enough room on the door, but there are other lessons to glean from Titanic. For instance, Rose is given a free pass for cheating on her fiancé, lying to him, and even stealing his stuff. In reality, you can’t just burn someone and move on to something new and shiny.
4. All is Fair in love and War (How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days)
There are many terrible lessons in this problematic movie, but the worst is probably the idea that you can do absolutely insane things, from lying to someone’s parents to pretending to be a sociopath, just because “it’s love.”
All-Pro Reels from District of Columbia, USA on Wikimedia
5. The Makeover (The Princess Diaries)
Similar to changing your personality, sometimes it’s your looks that need a makeover. In this movie, like many others, the character has to undergo a major transformation to become attractive and reach their potential. Bonus points if taking off her glasses suddenly makes her beautiful.
6. Generalizations (The Ugly Truth)
Any movie where a character claims to have “unlocked the secrets” of the opposite gender can be fun to watch, but in real life, you’re better off ignoring it. Making sweeping generalizations about what men or women want reduces people to robots. Not everyone follows the same programming.
Josh Jensen from Toronto, Ontario, Canada on Wikimedia
7. The Fake Relationship (Bridgerton)
While not technically a movie, Bridgerton spreads the same fake-relationship trope you’ve seen in countless rom-coms. There’s nothing wrong with entertainment but trying to fake a relationship to make someone jealous in real life isn’t going to get you anywhere.
8. Softer Women (The Proposal)
Whenever an ambitious or hardened female character shows up on screen, she immediately becomes the rival for the leading man. For the relationship to work, she has to “soften up,” ditching her ambition and becoming sweet by the end.
Thomas Atilla Lewis at https://www.flickr.com/people/51761894@N00 on Wikimedia
9. Toxic Traits (Bridget Jones’s Diary)
We get it—Hugh Grant is a good-looking guy. But just because someone looks like a movie star doesn’t excuse terrible behavior. If a man is crass and domineering, or a woman is entitled and selfish, you should probably steer clear.
Tine Hemeryck at https://www.flickr.com/photos/tinehemeryck/ on Wikimedia
10. The Manic Pixie Dream Girl/Guy (500 Days of Summer)
This trope refers to a whimsical, almost magical character who appears and shows the lead a new, strange path in life. Often beautiful, this “dream” partner is expected to endure all the lead’s burdens and guide them through life. In reality, no one should be responsible for carrying all of their partner’s baggage. To the movie’s credit, it does critique this trope: Summer herself admits their relationship isn’t true love.
CAryn Loveless at http://www.facebook.com/pages/Caryn-Loveless-Photography/199557687985 on Wikimedia
Now that we have talked about fun movies you probably shouldn’t replicate in real life, here are 10 you’re more than welcome to learn from.
1. Accept Heartbreak (Sixteen Candles)
In this coming-of-age movie, the characters remind us that heartbreak is part of life. Perfectly summed up in the line, “That’s why they call them crushes,” this movie teaches us to embrace love and accept heartache as part of the process.
2. Move Up or Move On (He’s Just Not That Into You)
This movie follows couples in different stages of life, from cheating spouses to commitment issues. The women learn that sometimes, if you can’t fix things, it’s time to move on. It teaches us that not everyone will be into us—and that’s okay.
Official White House Photo by Chuck Kennedy on Wikimedia
3. Be Open Minded (Dirty Dancing)
Despite growing up in a cookie-cutter world, Baby steps out of her comfort zone and learns to dance alongside Johnny. She doesn’t let herself be defined by her background or her father’s disapproval. Life is too short to stay in a box, follow your passions and try new things.
4. Love Has No Age (Something’s Gotta Give)
Just because you’re aging doesn’t mean you’re any less capable or deserving of love. Something’s Gotta Give is a fun, raunchy, and heartfelt story about finding love at any age, a lesson everyone can take to heart.
5. Use Relationships to Grow (Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind)
Unlike in this movie, you can’t erase painful memories in real life. Instead, you need to endure them, grow, and become better. If you felt your heart wrench at the end of this film, you already understand the importance of learning from your experiences.
6. Take Risks (Sleepless in Seattle)
Love isn’t easy, and many people settle for “okay” relationships instead of pursuing true love. Sleepless in Seattle follows two people who take a leap of faith and pursue each other sight unseen, a risk worth taking.
7. Ignore Other People (The Addams Family)
Morticia and Gomez Addams are undeniably in love. Despite their macabre personalities, their relationship is incredibly healthy, they support and build each other up. The lesson here? Ignore what others think about who you are or the kind of love you want.
8. Focus on You First (Groundhog Day)
As the events of the movie unfold, the male lead realizes he needs to work on himself before pursuing Rita. He builds a fulfilling life on his own first, a crucial lesson in ensuring you’re whole before adding someone else to your world.
9. Be Yourself (Hitch)
So-called love experts might try to mold you into something you’re not. In Hitch, Albert hires a professional date doctor, but his goofy charm wins over the girl, not the advice. So even if your dance moves are terrible, your silly quirks might be the thing the other person loves most about you.
10. Learning to Let Go (Forgetting Sarah Marshall)
After a bad breakup, discovering your ex is staying at the same vacation spot can ruin anyone’s plans. But instead of obsessing, the protagonist opens himself to new experiences, and love finds him. This movie teaches the importance of letting go and moving forward.
