All is Fair in Love and War
Sometimes it's hard to tell true love from false hope. They seem so perfect, but do they feel the same about you? Besides, in today’s society, it's all too easy to fall for lies. If you want to be certain about your partner before you give them everything you have, here are 20 ways to test their true intentions.
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1. The Listening Test
While you’re having a conversation, if they seem tuned out, ask them what they think about what you just said. If they give you a generic answer, they might not have been listening. Of course, you can outright ask them, “What’s the last thing I said”? If they’re busy or distracted, it’s okay to let this one slide. But if they consistently ignore you, then they’re not worth it.
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2. The Hint Test
Instead of outright asking them for something, drop hints. Lots of people hate this, but that’s because they don’t want the responsibility of paying attention to their partner. For instance, if you’ve been craving tacos, instead of asking for tacos, mention it now and then. Say things like, “I just had lunch, but I wish I had tacos instead,” or “I really need to make some time to pick up tacos sometime; I’ve been craving them”. See how long it takes for them to surprise you with tacos.
3. The Boundary Test
It’s normal for everyone to have boundaries, ranging from PDA (public displays of affection) to avoiding crowds. If one of your boundaries doesn’t come up naturally, you can do a little test to see how much your partner truly respects them. For instance, when they do something like call you a certain nickname, try to kiss you in public, or suggest a new activity, say that you’re not comfortable just to see how they react.
4. The Sick Day Test
If you’re feeling under the weather, this is actually a great opportunity to test how your partner treats you when you’re sick. Do they lock you in a room and continue on with their day? Or do they take extra care to make you soup and keep you company?
5. The Ultimatum
Ultimatums can lead to sticky situations, but if you’re ever unsure about the importance of your relationship, this is a great way to test your partner. For instance, if you think they always put their friends or job first, then make an excuse saying you’re feeling very sad or sick and need a little support. See if they choose to stay. Of course, only do this once and make sure not to do it when there’s an important event going on. Plus, probably avoid asking them to skip work if their job doesn’t give them flexibility.
6. The Kid Test
If you’ve been in the relationship for a while and both of you want kids in the future, simply drop the mention of a kid in conversation. For example, when talking about a favorite food or a favorite TV show, say, “I bet our kid will love that too”. See how they react.
If they talk further about the potential child, it means you’re on the same page.
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7. The Hobby Test
If someone loves you, they’ll support your hobbies and interests, even if they find them boring. To put this to the test, invite them to participate in your hobby. For example, if you sew, ask them to take on a project with you. If you go to a sports class, ask them to sit in on practice. Their enthusiasm or lack thereof says a lot about their feelings for you.
8. The Gift Test
When Valentine’s Day or an anniversary is coming up and the two of you haven’t talked about plans, give them the benefit of the doubt. Assume they’re on the same page as you and plan a great gift. When it comes time to exchange presents, you’ll see just how important you are to them by what they get you. For instance, if you splurged on jewelry or the video game they keep mentioning and all they get you is a gift card for Walmart, then it’s time to get out.
9. The Button Test
This is a very controversial one, so tread with caution! As you know, couples fight, and it’s all too easy to say things in the heat of the moment. Well, next time you’re arguing and undoubtedly pushing their buttons, see how they react. Do they start swearing?
Do they go too far? Respectful conflict resolution is key.
10. The Vanishing Test
Are you the first one to initiate conversation? Do you text good morning first? Do you call them first? Do you plan dates? Sure, they say it’s because their schedule is busy or they’re a bad texter, but that’s a lame excuse. To test it, simply stop initiating and wait for them to make a move. See how long it takes them to care.
11. The Argument Test
You know how they say you should never go to bed angry? Well, try it—just to see how your partner reacts. If you’re the one who usually apologizes or resolves the issue, take a hands-off approach this time. Next time you argue, leave angry. See how long it takes them to be the bigger person and mend the bridge. There’s no room for ego in a relationship, which is why both of you need to be able to reach out.
12. Follow-Through Test
This isn’t necessarily a test, rather an exercise in observation. When they make promises, from doing the dishes to bringing flowers, how often do they follow through? It’s easy to say a lot of things during the initial dating phase, but keeping it up after the honeymoon phase is easier said than done.
13. The Favor Test
If your partner loves you, they should have no problem picking up the slack now and then.
Even if vacuuming is your responsibility or the task at hand is related to your job, you should ask your partner to do it as a one-off favor. See how they react. Are they annoyed by the request, or are they understanding?
14. The Cheating Test
Okay, this one is probably the most controversial. Many people are hurt by cheating in the past and simply cannot tolerate the pain of being lied to again. It’s better to trust your partner and not play games regarding cheating, but if it’s important to you to be sure, there are tests you can do. These include using a social media account to proposition them or Googling their name in an “Are we dating the same person”? Facebook thread—for peace of mind if nothing else.
15. The Stress Test
For a relationship to last, it needs to get through the good and bad phases of life. While you should never do anything to stress out your partner, next time a financial crisis or unfortunate situation arises, take the time to observe their reactions. Do they grow more distant? Do they lash out?
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16. The Friends Test
Sometimes our friends are able to pick up on things that our love-struck eyes miss. That’s why introducing your partner to your friends and scheduling group hangouts is a great way to keep a level head on your relationship. Your friends will be able to offer insight on how the two of you interact.
17. The Space Test
Relationships aren’t always about being bound together through thick and thin. They’re also about being patient and giving the other person what they need. If you’re worried about your partner being too needy or dependent, ask for space. Say you want to take a solo trip or spend some uninterrupted you-time. See how they function without you in the picture.
18. The Compromise Test
Everyone knows relationships are all about compromise, which is why the next time you have conflicting goals, it’s a great time to test their ability to compromise. Instead of giving in to them or expecting them to do the same, see if they can negotiate the best of both worlds.
19. The Memory Test
Not everyone has a great memory, but some events are so sacred and special to us that we only share them with a select few. Ask your partner about an important event you discussed in the past and see if they have any clue what you’re talking about. To give them the benefit of the doubt, you can ask about a few different things.
20. The Future Test
Sometimes, a lot is revealed in answers to direct questions. If you’re worried about your future with your partner, ask them about it. Phrase it like an interview question:
“Where do you see yourself in five years”? If they don’t mention you at all in the answer, then you’re in trouble.
