10 Signs You Wear The Pants In Your Relationship In A Good Way & 10 In A Bad Way
What It Means To Wear The Pants In A Relationship
You've likely heard of the phrase "wearing the pants" in a relationship before. It simply means you're the shot caller or usually the one making the final decision. It doesn't matter if you're a girl or boy because gender doesn't matter in this case - all that matters is personality. But like most things in life, there's a right and wrong way to go about it. If you're too aggressive, it'll lead to an unhealthy relationship, but if you're generous with how you make decisions, it can really benefit you and your partner. Here are 10 signs that you wear the pants in a positive way, and 10 signs you don't.
1. You're The Scheduler
Always pulling out your phone to check your calendar when someone's trying to make plans with you and your partner? Chances are, you're wearing the pants in the relationship. You always know what's going on, not just for yourself, but for your partner too. When it comes to plans, you're the one always keeping things in check.
Photo by Debby Hudson on Unsplash
2. You're Always Driving
There's nothing wrong with having a designated driver in the relationship. Whether it's because you're the stronger driver or your partner just loves being the passenger prince/princess, it just means you're in charge of getting around safely.
Photo by Michael Kahn on Unsplash
3. You Always Make The Executive Decision
When you as a couple are stuck between two choices and just can't decide, you're wearing the pants if your partner always turns to you to make the final decision. It can be as small as deciding what to eat for dinner or something bigger. At the end of the day, it's because you have better decision-making skills and they trust you to know what to do. It also just means you're likely the one who doesn't overthink things and knows exactly what you both want.
Photo by Jametlene Reskp on Unsplash
4. You Plan Vacations
The next time you're going on a trip with your significant other, think about who does the planning. If you're the one doing most of the work, it's probably because you've got the skills for it. From planning your arrival at the airport to checking into the hotel and finding the best restaurants, your partner trusts you completely. You're the type to get the job done and call out the shots.
Photo by Anete Lūsiņa on Unsplash
5. You Make All The Appointments
Are you always keeping an eye on your partner's health? From visiting the dentist to regular check ups with your family doctor, you're always on top of things. You're definitely the one in charge if you're also always scheduling the appointments. Because let's be honest, many of us have a fear of calling in for some reason.
Photo by Online Marketing on Unsplash
6. You Initiate Intimacy
Are you the one likely to make a move on your partner? Usually the more dominant person in the relationship while try initiating physical intimacy. And listen, there's absolutely nothing wrong with that! Sometimes we just need someone in the relationship to be the one to kick things off.
Photo by Priscilla Du Preez 🇨🇦 on Unsplash
7. You Call The Waiter Over When There's Been A Mistake
When a restaurant gets your order wrong, you're likely one of two people. You either quietly sit there accepting the mistake, or you call them back to let them know what's wrong. If you're type A but your partner is type B and you're always the one calling the waiter back, we wouldn't be surprised if you usually take action like this in the relationship too.
8. You Handle All The Finances
A common sign that you're wearing the pants is if you handle the finances. If you and your partner have a shared account, it just means you're either the more responsible one or they just trust you to do it. Money is always a sensitive topic no matter where you are or who you're dealing with, so leaving you with the finances is a big sign of trust and responsibility in any relationship. It means they know you've got this.
Photo by Josh Appel on Unsplash
9. You're Always Reminding Your Partner Things
Maybe your partner is just forgetful, but being the one to always remind them of appointments or plans just demonstrates your position in the relationship. You're the reliable one they can count on to always know what's up, not just for yourself, but for your partner too.
Photo by The Jopwell Collection on Unsplash
10. Your Partner Trusts Your Decisions
Even if you're the one making most of the decisions all of the time, it's okay because your partner trusts you 100%. If they know you'll always do right by them and that you do everything in their best interest, they have nothing to worry about. That's taking control in a healthy way that benefits the both of you.
1. You Make All The Decisions Without Your Partner
There's a big difference between making the final call for you and your partner and just deciding things completely on your own. Just because you're the shotcaller doesn't mean they should be left in the dark. Doing so is just poor behavior that can negatively impact your relationship. It's being dominant but in a bad way.
2. You Control What They Do And Who They See
It's one thing if you're helping your partner schedule things, and it's another if you're using that to control them. Saying yes or no to who they can meet up with or what they can do is just far too controlling. It's abusive behavior that means you're dominating them in an unhealthy way that restricts them from making decisions on their own.
3. Your Partner Is Scared Of You
Pay attention to how your partner acts around you when you're making decisions. If they seem scared to speak up, it means you're doing something wrong. Whether it's being too assertive, aggressive, or just plain rude, keep in mind that there's a right and wrong to wear the pants in any relationship. Because being the shotcaller is okay, as long as your partner is okay with it too.
4. Your Partner Never Shares Their Thoughts
Leading into our next point, if your partner is scared of you, it ties into them never feeling comfortable enough to share their thoughts. From holding their tongue to speaking with hesitation, if they're not open about their feelings and opinions with you, it's not a sign of a healthy relationship. It means they don't completely trust you with your decision-making and feel wronged when you do everything on your own.
5. You And Your Partner Communicate Poorly
Good communication is key if one person in the relationship is wearing the pants. It's important to know that even if you're the one making most of the calls, your partner is okay with it. Checking in and making sure that both sides are on the same page is key to making these kinds of relationships work. That's why poor communication can lead to being too restrictive or controlling.
6. You Get Angry When They Don't Listen
People who wear the pants usually like being in control, but pay attention to whether you're taking it one step too far. Do you get upset or angry when your partner doesn't listen to you? Just because you're the designated shotcaller doesn't mean everything you say goes. It's important to know the difference between forcing decisions and making them.
7. You Enjoy The Title Of "Wearing The Pants"
How much do you care about being labelled as the one wearing the pants in the relationship? Would you feel insecure if your partner was called that by others instead? Caring about this title and obsessing over its meaning is a bad sign. It shows that you're paying far too much attention about how others perceive you and that you want others to think of you as the "powerful" one in the relationship.
Photo by Lauren Rader on Unsplash
8. You Hate It When Your Partner Makes The Call
If the dynamic was ever flipped on you, would you care? For some controlling individuals, having their partner make the final call just rubs them the wrong way. If your immediate thought is, "That should be up to me," you're just being far too obsessive. You're cutting off your partner's voice without realizing it.
9. You Enforce The "I Need To Talk To My Partner First" Rule
From making decisions at work to buying Girl Scout cookies at the door, having the "I Need To Talk To My Partner First" can be a serious hindrance. Not only does it demonstrate that your partner doesn't trust you and always needs the final say, it stops you from ever making any decisions on your own.
10. You Don't Own Up To Your Wrong Calls
If you're always the one making the final decision or choosing things for your relationship, it shouldn't come to you as a surprise that sometimes, you'll make mistakes. What's important is whether or not you actually own up to it. If you're wearing the pants in an aggressive, controlling way, all the blame is likely on you. Are you willing to accept that?
