Words You Can’t Shake
Whether you’re a parent or a kid all grown up, there are certain slips of the tongue that can seriously mess with people. From phrases that create dangerous expectations to those that ruin one's self-esteem, here are 20 things that haunt people.
1. I never wanted a kid.
Even if a child was a mistake, they never need to hear stuff like this. Growing up, this can leave a kid feeling unwanted, burdensome, and rejected. These self-worth issues easily carry into adulthood.
2. I never wanted a boy/girl.
Gender issues already plague children thanks to all the societal weirdness surrounding them. But hearing that their gender is a disappointment can lead to low self-esteem and internalized misogyny or misandry.
3. That never happened.
Gaslighting is a phrase that gets thrown around a lot, but having a parent dismiss their kid's experiences leads to major trust issues. Not only will the child grow up thinking people won’t trust them, but it’ll create self-doubt in their own minds.
4. Stop being so dramatic.
When parents say this, they’re essentially trying to limit their kid's emotions. Sure, some kids can be a bit much, but teaching kids to suppress emotions leads to major issues in understanding, processing, and showing emotions as an adult. Ever heard of the phrase "emotionally unavailable"?
5. No one else would put up with you.
This is a form of toxic dependency and makes kids think they are difficult to love. As adults, kids who grew up hearing this are more likely to tolerate mistreatment and will assume they don’t deserve anything better.
6. Stop making things up.
Trust issues galore, as this is another form of gaslighting that makes children feel invalidated. As adults, these kids tend to stay silent about their mistreatment and are likely to blame themselves or minimize things if treated poorly.
7. After everything I’ve done for you, this is how you repay me?
This is a form of guilt-tripping disguised as love. Many parents think their children owe them their existence, when in reality, the kids had no say in being born. Kids who grow up hearing this will struggle to create boundaries and are likely to people-please for the sake of it.
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8. Why can’t you be more like your sibling?
This phrase is guaranteed to create bitter sibling rivalries. Fostering a feeling of insecurity and resentment in children can easily impact them as adults. This behavior can also lead to imposter syndrome, where the targeted kid feels less than.
9. You’ll never amount to anything.
As kids, it’s important to try things and fail, as that’s a learning experience. But dumping parental doubts on these kids can ruin their ambition and confidence. They will grow up with deep insecurity issues and will be less willing to take risks.
10. You’re a disappointment.
One of the cruelest phrases a parent can say is, “You’re a disappointment.” Pushing for perfection only leads to a desperate need for approval and chronic bouts of self-doubt. That’s no way to raise a healthy kid.
11. Other people have it worse. You should be grateful.
It’s important to let kids feel their emotions, but instead, by dismissing their struggles and making them feel guilty for feeling emotions, they will grow up emotionally repressed. Don’t be surprised if kids like this don’t ever tell you about their problems or end up with unhealthy coping habits.
12. You could’ve done better.
Some kids come home with an A on their report card only for the parents to ridicule them for not getting an A+. This constant need for perfection is toxic and leads to fear of failure and self-doubt. If kids are too scared to come up short, they’ll never grow into ambitious adults.
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13. You’re the reason I’m so stressed.
Blaming a child for a parent’s struggles is never alright and can lead to deep-seated guilt. As adults, these people will overcompensate in their relationships, even if they’re getting very little in return.
14. If you leave, don’t ever come back.
Setting ultimatums is just another tactic to control human beings with free will. Threats like this are meant to instill fear and can have two sorts of impacts. Either, as an adult, this person will always struggle to break emotional ties due to fear of abandonment, or they’ll tear away from anyone that tries to get too close.
15. You have no right to be sad.
Like other phrases, this statement suppresses emotions in kids and leads to emotionally numb adults. Life is complex, and adults that struggle to process emotions will have a tough time.
16. You dress horribly.
Kids and teens alike can come up with some strange clothing combinations, but it’s a way to express themselves. Parents that say this only impart a fear of judgment on their kids, making them self-conscious and wary of others’ opinions.
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17. If you do that, I’ll never speak to you again.
This is essentially emotional blackmail and can make kids correlate self-expression with social anxiety. As adults, they will be less likely to say what’s on their mind and keep secrets to avoid abandonment.
18. You’re embarrassing me.
This is another way to destroy self-expression. Shaming children for being themselves only leads to adults with social anxiety.
19. You would be nothing without me.
This is a statement that undermines children’s self-independence and makes them doubtful as adults. Adults who grew up hearing such statements may struggle with independence or always seek out external validation.
20. No one will ever believe you.
Another form of gaslighting, this has ruined the lives of many kids that experience mistreatment. This statement teaches them not to trust authority figures and to keep their true feelings to themselves.
