Crushing Hard? 10 Signs You're Coming On Too Strong & 10 Strategies For Toning It Down
Crushing Hard? 10 Signs You're Coming On Too Strong & 10 Strategies For Toning It Down
Don't Scare Them Off
Finding that balance between showing your interest and coming on too strong when you're head over heels is hard, especially if you're prone to being anxious when you're beginning to date. However, finding that happy medium is very important if you don't want to send your love interest running. Are you worried you're being too intense? Here are 10 signs you absolutely are and 10 ways to tone it down.
1. Blowing Up Your Date's Phone
It can be hard to hold yourself from texting someone you really like but do your best to limit yourself. If you're always the one initiating, responding immediately, or sending series of texts with much more detail than they are, practice some self-restraint and tone it back.
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2. Introducing Them To Your Friends & Family Too Soon
It's natural for you to want to let the person you're dating into your inner circle, but friends and family introductions are daunting for your love interest, especially when it's done too soon. Try to space out the intros to not overwhelm the person you're dating and wait until you've been seeing each other for a notable amount of time to avoid putting pressure on the relationship.
3. Flirting Too Heavily
Flirting is a fun and cute way of letting someone you like know how you feel about them, but not if it's done aggressively. Being too obvious about how much you want them can either be a turn off or send the wrong signals. Keeping your flirtations to a minimum adds an extra air of mystery.
4. Having "The Talk" Too Early
By "the talk" we mean popping the question of exclusivity: the "where is this going?" conversation. There's no hard and fast rule as to when you should have this talk but in this day and age, doing it after just a few dates is way too much.
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5. Constant "Bump-Ins"
Bumping into your date at a place you both frequent is one thing, but going out of your way to "bump into" them somewhere after gathering intel that they'll be there is another thing entirely. Unless "stalker" is the vibe you're going for, don't give in to the temptation to do this.
6. Baby Talk
Don't freak your date out by bringing up family planning in the first few dates. Marriage and children are topics that should be saved for when you've been dating exclusively for quite some time.
7. Taking Too Much Of Their Time
When you've met a person you truly like, it's natural to want to spend almost all your time with them. However, stop and ask yourself if you're monopolizing their time. Give them space and make them miss you too.
8. Social Media Overload
When you're dating someone, it's normal and healthy to react to their stories and posts. However, looking back at their social media history and commenting on posts from years ago goes beyond showing an interest. You're wading deep into creep territory.
9. Spilling Your Soul Too Soon
When you meet someone you really connect with, you might feel tempted to tell them everything about you from your deepest secrets to your vulnerabilities. However, spilling the beans too soon can be too much and scare your date off. Besides, keeping an air of mystery will add some intrigue and keep them on the hook.
10. Going Overkill On Gifts
For some people, meeting someone they really like equates to showering them with gifts and surprises. As nice as a small, thoughtful present is, getting your date an extravagant gift can make them feel uncomfortable.
Now that we've talked about some tell-tale signs that you're being too much, let's go over some strategies for toning it down (we know it's hard).
1. Be Patient
This may sound easier said than done but patience really is the key. Just remember good things take time and don't be too anxious about stages of the relationship happening quickly. It's about quality, not speed.
2. Seek Feedback From Friends
If you're unsure if you're being too much, seek counsel from trusted friends. They'll provide helpful insight and give you advice on how to chill out.
3. Balance Communication
Make sure your communication is balanced. If you initiated texts last time, let them reach out to you this time. Similarly, don't double text like asking "You there?" after messaging them once as it can be smothering.
4. Plan Dates Together
A good way to make sure they're as on board as you are is to plan dates together. It's cute to come up with date ideas sometimes but don't be the one planning your future and then inflicting those plans on them.
5. Reflect
Ask yourself why you're inclined to come on too strong so you can better understand the reason for your intensity. For example, if you're afraid they'll lose interest, why are you afraid? It can be tough sometimes but self-reflection is key to changing your behavior.
6. Be Busy
Continue to engage in your activities and hobbies and make plans with friends. Not only does it make it easier to avoid texting your date all the time, but it sends the message that they'll have to work a little for your time.
7. Match Their Energy
If you feel like you're putting a disproportionate amount of effort into the relationship, you probably are. Make note of how much energy they're putting in and try to match it.
8. Pay Attention To Non-Verbal Cues
Body language sometimes speaks a thousand words. If you're making your date uncomfortable, you can usually tell in their general vibe. Be aware of their subtle cues and respect their boundaries.
9. Stay Off Social Media
You don't have to completely swear off social media, but if you're always the first one who sees their stories or feel too tuned into what they're doing because you're always watching their socials, it can make you crazy. Consciously set aside hours in your day to be off social media.
10. Maintain Some Mystery
Don't give away everything about yourself too quickly. Mystery is an alluring quality so the more you can keep them at arm's length while still being flirtatious and showing your interest, the more crazy about you they'll be.
