Don't Ignore These Red Flags That Show You're In An Abusive Relationship
Getting into an abusive relationship can be a very difficult thing to climb out of - especially if you're the one in it. It's always easy to say you wouldn't let that happen to you, but it's easier said than done. To help give you an idea of key behaviours to look out for, we want to share these 20 red flags that might indicate you're in an abusive relationship and that you should look to end things.
1. Isolation
When you're stuck with an abusive partner, one thing they might do is insist that you spend all your time with them. That means cutting off ties with friends and family, isolating you so that you have no one else to turn to. In more extreme matters, they might even manipulate you into believing that your loved ones aren't supportive or good for you.
2. Frequent Criticism
Constructive feedback is always welcomed when it's done so you can make improvements on yourself, but regular and harsh criticism is just downright mean. Whether it's about something big or just about trivial matters, you should never accept that as a norm. It's a common tactic used in abusive relationships that's used to undermine your self-esteem and make you more dependent on your partner.
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3. Threats
If you ever get threatened by your partner in any relationship, you should take that as a major red flag. It's something many abusers do to "keep you in line" and to make you scared of potential consequences. It can be anything from threatening physical harm to taking away financial support. Don't let something like this slide!
4. Financial Control
This one might not be as obvious, but having a partner who takes control of all the finances, including your own money, can be a sign of an abusive relationship. The money you earn belongs to you too! Some situations might take the form of you being given an allowance and having to show a receipt for any purchases you make. It's one simple way to keep you financially dependent on your partner.
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5. Gaslighting
If you've never heard the term gaslighting before, it simply involves manipulating someone to the point that they start questioning their own reality. You might think to yourself, "Wait, am I right?" An abusive partner might also deny any previous incidents or arguments that may have occurred, turning the blame on you by suggesting that you're overly sensitive.
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6. Excessive Jealousy
Have you ever experienced being with a partner that's way too possessive and jealous? Let us just give it to you straight, it's not fun - it's downright scary. If you're in an abusive relationship, your partner will likely twist it to make it seem that jealousy is a form of love or concern. But in reality, it's simply a tool for control to keep you by their side.
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7. Physical Intimidation
There's no way around this one; your partner using physical actions to intimidate you, whether it's smashing things, breaking objects, or making threatening gestures, is the most obvious way to tell that you're in an abusive relationship. This type of behaviour has no excuse and has no place in any healthy, functioning relationship. You should never have to worry about your own safety.
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8. Forced Intimacy
Intimacy is an important aspect in a loving relationship, but it should always be approached with care and respect. If you ever experience guilt, pressure, or force during sex, it's a major red flag to watch out for. Oftentimes, phrases like "If you loved me, you would do this" are used in an attempt to manipulate you to get what they want.
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9. Constant Monitoring
No matter where you are, if you're grocery shopping, at the mall, or just hanging out with friends, it's not uncommon for an abusive partner to force you to give them updates at all times. You could be just minutes away but they might still demand you to share your location and details at every moment!
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10. Blaming and Denial
One common strategy that keeps you in a constant state of anxiety and stress is when abusers constantly blame the victim. Not only does it deflect responsibility away from them, they'll make it feel like it's your fault! By denying any fault in their actions, no problems ever get solved.
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11. Emotional Withholding
What is emotional withholding you might ask? It's a way for abusers to refuse to meet your emotional needs as a form of punishment or control. They might say something like, "I'm not going to talk to you until you say you're sorry," completely cutting off ties with you until you're desperate enough to apologize (even if you did nothing wrong).
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12. Public Embarrassment
What happens between you and your partner should always stay behind closed doors - who wants a crowd always watching your every move anyway? But as a way to ruin your self-esteem and control you, abusive partners look for ways to embarrass or shame you in public. They might mock or speak rudely about you, trying to make you feel bad about yourself.
13. Ultimatums
Ultimatums are used by abusers as tools to put you in a position of distress where you feel like you have no other option. When you're already at a point in the relationship where you feel so dependent on your partner, hearing them say, "If you don't do this I'm breaking up with you," can be beyond stressful. Basically, they're leveraging your fear to get what they want!
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14. Invalidation
You deserve to be with someone who cares and listens to your feelings and thoughts at all times. Being with someone who constantly invalidates you instead can be incredibly taxing. An abusive partner might dismiss your feelings and needs making you question whether or not your emotions are valid or even real.
15. Hypercriticism Over Appearance
Your partner should love you no matter how you look, so hearing them criticize your appearance, from your clothing choice to your hair, is definitely a form of abuse. Especially if they do it in a controlling manner that causes you to rely on them for confirmation. It destroys your self-confidence, making you feel like you need someone else's opinion.
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16. Inducing Guilt
Even though they're the ones manipulating you, being with an abusive partner can wrongly make you feel like you're at fault. That's because they make you feel guilt so they can gain emotional or physical control! Some common things you might hear them say include, "After all I've done for you, you're still so ungrateful," or "How could you give me that attitude when I've done so much?" It's all said to make you feel indebted to them.
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17. No Respect for Privacy
Say goodbye to your personal devices - whether it's your phone, computer, or tablet, your partner's going to demand access to all of them. They're going to want to read your messages and texts, trying to keep tabs on every aspect of your life, whether you want them to or not.
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18. Love Bombing After Abuse
After multiple fights or abusive episodes, your partner might try to "fix" things by temporarily behaving in an overly affectionate way. They might shower you with gifts, random kind gestures, or nice words in an attempt to confuse you and make you think they treat you well. It's a dangerous game to play.
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19. Disregarding Boundaries
People set personal boundaries for a reason, and it's important to be respectful of them when you're in a relationship. So as you'd suspect, abusive partners will completely disregard any boundaries or rules you set, forcing themselves into aspects of your life that aren't welcomed. All it does is leave you in a state of anxiety and uncomfortable feelings.
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20. Minimizing Your Achievements
Abusers will always want to keep your self-esteem as low as possible, trying to make you feel like you only have them to rely on. That's why minimizing your achievements is a common tactic many abusive partners employ. They don't care about your success! They'll do their best to downplay it, making you feel lesser when you should be overjoyed and celebrating.
