The Times They Are A-Changin'
Aging doesn’t happen overnight, though it certainly feels that way when you wake up and suddenly realize how much has changed. You’ve never heard of the latest pop star. Kids today make no sense. Our joints hurt for no reason. And that’s just the beginning.
1. Reasonable Sleep Schedule
As a teenager, the world is your oyster. You can stay out all night with friends and it never mattered that school was in a couple of hours. Now, though…if you’re not in bed by 9:30 p.m., tomorrow is already ruined.
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2. Fine Lines and Wrinkles
Though beauty companies thrive off our early panic, most fine lines won’t appear until much later in life. However, it’s a rite of passage to spot those first wrinkles in the mirror.
3. Slang Makes No Sense
Have you ever tried to eavesdrop on a Gen Z conversation? With phrases like “no cap” and words like “bussin’,” we have no idea what they’re talking about. You probably don’t either. Thankfully, we’re officially old enough to not care.
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4. More Grey Hair
Grey hair isn’t just reserved for older generations—plenty of high schoolers sprout one or two they then anxiously pluck out before school. But it’s all downhill when they keep respawning and you lose the will to yank ‘em.
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5. You Don’t Recognize Top 40 Hits
When was the last time you sang along with a top 40 hit? You know you’re getting old when today’s pop stars are total strangers. Don’t worry, the radio still plays your favorite songs…they just belong to the “way back” graveyard now.
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6. Hangovers Last Forever
We’ve all survived hangover headaches or the dreaded dry heave, but those symptoms last a lifetime when you’re older. So much so that one beer isn’t even worth the hassle anymore.
7. Large Print Everything
Oh, you thought large print was just for grandparents? Guess again, wiseacre! Anyone over 30 knows the joy of humongous text. Whether it’s in print or on our phones, large text gives our aging peepers a well-deserved break.
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8. You Enjoy Nature Now
Nature is pretty great after a certain age. It’s quiet, you’re away from life’s hustle and bustle, and it gives you time alone with your thoughts. Granted, those thoughts are likely about the collapsing housing market or rent hikes, but it’s nice to panic in the great outdoors.
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9. Fridays Are For Relaxing
There was a time when Friday night meant party night. But you’re old now, and Friday night means the first break after five grueling work days. Luckily, there’s no shame in turning down plans to curl up under a cozy blanket.
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10. Diet Changes
Does spicy food send you straight to the toilet? Can you no longer handle copious amounts of cheese? That’s your body, friend, and it’s telling you times have changed. So, while can still pound back a rack of ribs, you’re going to pay for it later.
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11. Child Stars Are Older
As if we needed any more reminders of our age. Well, we’re not the only ones journeying through life and it’s a real slap in the face to see childhood stars in their 50s and 60s.
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12. Loud Noises Suck
Concerts never used to bother us, sporting events were a great time—but two hours of blaring music risks tinnitus now. The good news is we can still enjoy those events so long as we have earplugs.
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13. Random Joint Pain
Guess what? “Sleeping wrong” is now officially a problem. Waking up with new aches and pains is hardly the worry it used to be, it simply becomes par for the course.
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14. You Forget Your Age
Birthdays often lose their magic as we age, which means forgetting how old we even are. Though, we’d rather that than the humiliation of scrolling for our birth year when we enter our age online.
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15. Getting Carded Excites You
There’s nothing like the thrill of a 20-year-old cashier asking for some identification. Yes! That’s right! You can’t tell if we’re 25 or not and we’ll gladly show you our driver’s license.
16. Old Man Noises
You know you’ve aged when getting out of a chair warrants some kind of grunt. We always thought it was funny when grandpa did it, but getting out of bed is actually pretty taxing.
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17. Being Money Conscious
Younger people are perfectly capable of investing or opening a savings account, but only after a certain age do you really tighten the purse strings. Come 30 or so, you suddenly understand the value of a dollar and stop spending so frivolously.
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18. Lawn Care is Suddenly Important
Ah, you smell that, kids? That’s the smell of freshly shorn grass right there—and it’s very important to us now. Whether it’s garden envy or eyeballing a neighbor’s lawn pattern, riding mowers just got a whole lot cooler.
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19. Clothing Makes a Great Gift
We may have rolled our eyes in childhood, but socks and underwear are now worth their weight in gold. Between saving us a mall trip to actually gifting something useful, no adult turns up their nose at a new pair of briefs.
20. Naps
Toddlers never nap. Teens nap too much. But only aging adults know how refreshing they really are. After a hard day’s work or a lenghty daydream in the shower, naps come when we need them most…which isn’t often enough.
