Relationship Status: It’s Complicated (with Myself)
With January over, it's time for Cupid's month: February. And to be more specific: Valentine's Day. How is your love life faring so far this year? Are you still just as single as you've ever been? If so, you might be wondering: "Why am I not dating?" Well, from being a certified homebody to being too busy, here are the 20 most common reasons why you still haven't dated before.
1. You're a Homebody
You don't like going out—you'd rather stay at home, watching TV or reading a book, than spend your night at a cafe, bar, or club. While this is valid, especially if you're introverted, it's likely a huge reason why you're still single. After all, you can't expect to find your life partner when you're curled up in bed.
2. You're Extremely Shy
Maybe you've never flirted with someone before, and you're not sure how without potentially embarrassing yourself or making things awkward. Because of this, you fumble your words when talking to someone you find attractive, avoid eye contact, and keep your head down—which all just makes you seem like you're not interested.
3. You're Too Picky
On the flip side, maybe it's not that you're not getting asked out—it's just that you're too picky. To you, everyone's always too short, too tall, too weird, too nerdy, too talkative, too shy, too annoying. There's never a right balance, and you haven't yet found someone that matches all your criteria.
4. You're Insecure
Does this sound like you? "I'll date after I lose weight"; "I'll date after I find a better job"; "I'll date once I grow out of my weird haircut"; and so on. You might already know that your insecurities are only holding you back, but can't find a way to look past those "flaws" before you find a partner. (You should know, though: you're beautiful just the way you are, and you don't need to change for anyone.)
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5. You've Experienced Trauma
If you've experienced something traumatic, it's completely natural to not desire a romantic relationship when you're focused on healing. Just don't be afraid to reach out to someone you trust if you're finding it hard to deal with on your own.
6. You're Too Caught Up in Your Fantasies
Maybe you're a big romance reader or watcher, and you want your love life to unfold in those exact same ways. But remember: those scenes are all fiction. Even if they can and do happen in real life, confining yourself to those fantasies may only lead to disappointment.
7. You're Holding Out for the "Perfect" Person
More than being picky, you're holding out for "the one." This is the perfect person who has all the qualities you're looking for, as if you're an author writing out a fictional character. But that's not realistic, and how can you know who "the one" is for you if you don't put yourself out there and gain experience? Not only that, but people change—and you will change, too.
8. You're a Late Bloomer
Maybe you haven't dated yet simply because you're a late bloomer. You aren't familiar with the dating scene because it wasn't really your focus, and finding love wasn't on your mind. And that's okay: you shouldn't feel pressured to date when you're not ready. Jump in whenever you are.
9. You're Scared of Heartbreak
Another reason why you might have not dated yet is because you're scared of heartbreak. You've seen it in the movies, you've read it in books, you've heard your friends talk about it, and you're not sure you're ready emotionally. Even if not all relationships lead to a heart-shattering breakup, the possibility might still make you wary.
10. You're Not Ready to Share Your Space
Maybe you're happily independent and have a specific way of living or a particular way of organizing your space. Letting someone in might mess up that comfort bubble you have, so you'd rather keep potential partners locked out.
11. You're Too Busy
Sometimes, you're just too busy to date. Maybe you're still in school or are planning to head back to it, or maybe you work two jobs or long hours. There's simply no space in your schedule to meet new people and go on dates. While this is absolutely valid, just make sure it doesn't become an excuse later on.
12. You're Too Focused On Other Life Goals
Similarly to being too busy, you could just be focused on accomplishing other life goals. For you, romance is put on the back burner—at least until you've finished exploring the world on your own, established yourself professionally, or have become financially stable.
13. You Don't Have Much of a Social Life
Instead of heading out after work or every weekend, you live a simple life of hitting the pillow as soon as you get the chance. You say "no" most of the time when your friends ask you to hang out. But again: as much as it sucks to say it, you won't find the love of your life staying at home, unless you're using dating apps on the side.
14. You're Working On Self-Love & Improvement
You might have heard the saying that, before you can learn to love someone else, you must learn to love yourself first. And that's true: you should put yourself first. Focus on working and improving yourself and finding happiness within before stepping into the dating pool when you're ready.
15. You're Scared It's "Too Late"
Maybe it's not that you don't want to date, or you're not trying, or you're too busy, or any of those things we've mentioned. Maybe you are trying and putting yourself out there, but either because of your age or lack of experience, you're embarrassed about how others might react. You think it's already "too late" for you, even though love knows no limits.
16. Everything Gives You the "Ick"
Or maybe you're putting yourself out there and meeting new people, but everything they do somehow makes you recoil. It's not a "do they meet your criteria" thing; maybe it's just the way they speak or act or behave. Something about them just makes you cringe.
17. You Have Strict Parents
If you have strict parents who instil rigid curfews and rules and constantly ask who you're hanging out with, you might find it harder to date. After all, how can you get out more when they're always hovering over you and watching your every move? They could be the reason you've become a homebody.
18. You're Scared of Rejection
We know—rejection hurts. It sucks. But it's part of life. Think about all the times things didn't go your way, like when you asked for an ice cream flavor only for it to be sold out. We can't always have what we want, so don't let your fear of rejection hold you back from dating. Tell someone when you think they're cute. Life is short; you might forever regret not taking the chance when you could've.
19. You Live in a Small Town
Sometimes, it's not because of no effort on your part; it's actually just because you live in the middle of nowhere and the only people you know are the grocery store clerks who bag your items every week. While we're not going to suggest moving to a bigger city to increase your chances of finding a partner, you might just have to put a little more work in.
20. You're Happy Being Single
Why have you still not dated before? Well, because you're happy being single. It's not that you can't date or won't date or have too-high standards—you just like being by yourself. Sure, it might seem odd to others, and your friends and family will continue to pester you about it. But this is your life, and you're free to live it out however you want. So cheers to that.
