How Can You Mend a Broken Heart?
There’s no way around it—breakups are tough. We just lost our person, their stuff is still in the apartment, and we just finished a second pint of ice cream. After such a blow, it’s easy to fall into unhealthy coping mechanisms, and we’re here to tell you which 20 to avoid.
1. Don’t Keep in Contact
Like it or not, breaking up means breaking contact too. Neither of you will move on if you text each other like nothing’s changed. Remove their number and unfollow them on social media. It’ll be difficult, but it’s also one of the best things you can do for yourself.
2. Don’t Try to Remain Friends
Ex-partners can be friends—just not right away. With so many emotions flaring, it doesn’t make sense to remain friends right after a breakup. The wounds haven’t closed yet, which means it’ll only get awkward and prolong the healing process.
3. Don’t Stalk Social Media
This is easier said than done, but try to keep off their social media. Take a break or block their accounts if the urge to look is too strong! Whatever you do, stay off their pages. It’s easy to lose yourself in “what ifs” and comparisons when you incessantly stalk them.
4. Don’t Casually Ask About Them
Don’t drag your mutual friends into the healing process. While there’s no shame in leaning on them for support, it’s unfair to use them for intel. As hard as it is to accept, most ex-lovers become strangers, and that’s how you should treat them.
5. Don’t Jump Into a New Relationship
Post-breakup bed-hopping is hardly unheard of—though the odd fling can be fun, don’t jump into a new relationship. You know as well as anyone that you’re not over your ex; it’s unfair to mistreat someone new just to mend a broken heart.
6. Don’t Avoid Self-Care
Breakups are a grieving process. It’s normal to stay in bed or cry throughout the day. However, don’t forego important self-care like bathing, sleeping, or eating. As tough as it is, your breakup doesn’t warrant a total shutdown. You’re important too!
7. Don’t Depend on Vices
In the throes of emotional pain, that cigarette sure looks good. Maybe a double at the bar. Take it from us: don’t indulge in external coping mechanisms. They only mask the pain, not heal it, and the last thing you want is a bandaid solution.
8. Don’t Shut People Out
Loved ones are your lifeline right now. Though it’s normal to avoid people for a few days, it’s not normal to shut people out completely. It’s okay to rely on your friends for comfort—let them bring food, cry on their shoulders, or head out for a lowkey evening.
9. Don’t Go Crazy in the Club
Speaking of fun evenings, try not to overdo it on partying. Breakups are the time to grieve, not the time to dive headfirst onto the dancefloor. Remember: external coping mechanisms do more harm than good.
10. Don’t Avoid Your Feelings
It’s tempting to shut down negative feelings, but they’re actually important to acknowledge. You’ll find healthy coping strategies by working through your emotions now; stuffing them down only results in dealing with them later—and they’re often even stronger.
11. Don’t Hook Up With Them
For some reason, ex-partners love to hop into bed for a “farewell tour.” Don’t do it! More often than not, you’ll fall into the dreaded friends-with-benefits trope, which makes separation even harder.
12. Don’t Seek Revenge
They say the best revenge is moving on—sounds tacky, right? Wrong! Living a good life is often the best way to move forward. We all want to stick it to those who hurt us, but revenge is a dicey poison that distracts us from everything we still have. They’re not worth your time.
13. Don’t Wallow
It’s okay to listen to Adele for a week. It’s okay to eat that box of chocolates, too. The important part is to move forward. The world won’t stop after your breakup; find a few tasks that get you out of bed and keep your mind busy. You can make space for grief without letting it take over.
14. Don’t Trash Talk Them
Even if your ex is the scummiest person on the planet, trash talk gets old pretty quickly. It’s one thing to confide in your friends, it’s another to complain eight years after the fact. At the end of the day, trash talk says more about you than anyone else.
15. Don’t Idolize Them
On the other hand, don’t place your ex on a pedestal either. No one’s perfect and idolizing an old flame sabotages incoming relationships. Not only that, but breakups cloud our memories, reminding us of all the good times without remembering all the obstacles.
16. Don’t Let it Impede Work
It’s natural to be a little distracted, but don’t let a breakup slither into your schedule. Try to keep a level head and stay focused on what’s in front of you. You don’t need a scolding from your boss on top of everything else.
17. Don’t Swear Off Dating
You’ll never date again! A pox on happy couples! Look, we get it. Breakups are rough and it’s hard to be happy for someone else after your life falls apart. However, don’t let one bad breakup dictate the rest of your life. You have no idea who’s on the horizon.
18. Don’t Hang Onto Their Stuff
Oh, they left a sweater at your house? Their coffee mug? Sorry, but it’s time to pitch it. If you really want to give their stuff back, arrange to have it picked up by a mutual friend—otherwise, it’s time to donate.
19. Don’t Frivolously Spend
Do you remember when Jim Halpert scheduled a non-refundable trip to New Zealand just so he could ditch Pam’s wedding? Remember how insane that was? Don’t be like Jim. Hang onto your money and hang onto your sanity.
20. Don’t Compare Yourself
Everyone in the world could tell you to stop stalking social media, but we know you won’t. (No judgment, we know it’s hard!) If you see a new beau on their page, don’t compare yourself to them. You don’t know anything about them or their relationship, so comparisons will only drive you nuts.
