Mastering the Art of Small Talk
When you're introverted, just being in social situations can feel draining, never mind talking to strangers. But even then, you might wonder how to get better at striking up conversations with others instead of relying on your friends to introduce you to new people. If that sounds like you, here are 10 must-follow tips for making small talk—and 10 don'ts.
1. Start with Mutual Friends
Instead of immediately jumping out and talking to complete strangers, which can feel extremely overwhelming, start within your own social circle. Find mutual friends and strike up a conversation with them. This way, you already have a commonality (friends with the same people) and that can be your opener.
2. Make a List of Go-To Topics
If conversation doesn't come easy to you, make a list of go-to topics and questions you'd like to ask people when meeting for the first time. This could be something broad, like "What are your interests?" or something specific, like "What is your stance on Hawaiian pizza?"
3. Smile
When meeting and chatting with strangers, don't forget to smile. Maintain open and welcoming body language so that people feel comfortable and will want to talk to you. A simple greeting and smile goes a long way. Be genuine.
4. Practice with Friends
If it's too daunting to step outside your comfort zone or you just need more warm-up, practice with your friends. Ask them what are good questions to start with, how to perfect your approach, how to tweak your opener so you come off friendly and warm. Once you gather enough tips from them, try it out yourself.
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5. Find Shared Interests & Commonalities
You might find it easier to start a conversation with someone if you already have a shared interest or commonality. For example, someone might have the same shoes as you, or their phone wallpaper might be of a band you also enjoy listening to. Striking up a chat with these openers will allow for a natural flow of conversation.
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6. Use Simple Openers
You don't have to start with the weather or how someone's day is going. Instead, be observant and find a topic to start with. For example, if you share the same class, you can ask what they think about the lectures so far, or how they're finding the assignments. Or if you're at the grocery store and someone else is looking at the same product, you can ask if they've tried it before or whether they have any other recommendations.
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7. Give Compliments
Another great way to open up a conversation is to start with a compliment. You might really like someone's style or skill or interest—so ask them about it. After all, people love praise and talking about themselves, which makes it a good place to start as any.
8. Practice Good Listening Skills
Holding a conversation isn't just knowing what questions to ask and how to respond—being a good listener is just as important. When someone shares their opinion, make eye contact and show them that you're paying attention through your body language and reactions. Nobody wants to talk to someone who's distracted or doesn't look interested in what they're saying.
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9. Be Honest
If you're nervous, be honest. It's okay. Of course, you shouldn't make that your whole personality and allow others to constantly carry the conversation, but if you trip over some words, you can let the other know that you're just a little jittery.
10. Be Yourself
Most importantly, be yourself. Don't try to change your personality so that others find you more interesting to chat with. The more genuine you are, the more others will gravitate to you and want to talk to you because of your unique character.
Now that we've covered some must-follow tips, let's jump into 10 things you shouldn't do when talking to strangers.
1. Don't Overthink
Relax. Don't overthink every single word you say or what others say. If you hyperfocus too much on these details, you'll only make yourself more nervous and you might become discouraged. Just let the conversation naturally flow.
2. Don't Only Talk About Yourself
As we mentioned previously, people love to talk about themselves. You might be the same, too. But even if this is the case, don't only ask one or two questions only to then talk over everyone else about yourself. You likely wouldn't want others to do that to you, so don't do that to them.
3. Don't Assume Everyone Wants to Talk
Sometimes, people might not want to talk—and that's okay. Maybe they're busy, uninterested, or introverted also. Whatever the reason, don't push them to chat with you, and don't let it dampen your spirits, either. There are still plenty of kind strangers out there who would love to have a conversation with you.
4. Don't Give One-Word Replies
You don't want to ramble on and on about yourself or when responding to someone, but you also don't want to give curt, one-word replies. The key is to strike a balance. Think about it from an outsider's perspective: how would you like someone to respond in a conversation? There should be a good back-and-forth between both parties.
5. Don't Interrupt
When someone is sharing their thoughts or responding to your question, don't interrupt them. Even if you're excited because of something they said, such as an interesting story or a shared hobby, let them finish speaking first. Constantly talking over someone will only make them not want to continue chatting with you.
6. Don't Get Overly Personal
When you're meeting someone for the first time, don't ask sensitive questions—and don't share overly personal details about yourself, either. Remember, this is still someone you barely know, and you want to establish trust and comfort before approaching more delicate, private topics.
7. Don't Only Ask Yes or No Questions
Asking yes or no questions may be easy and can get the conversation started, but they get boring after a while. No one wants to be asked these types of questions constantly—Do you like pizza? Do you like pineapples? Do you like pineapples on your pizza?—so don't bombard a stranger with them.
8. Don't Worry About the "Perfect" Opener
If you're ready to strike up a conversation with someone, just go for it. Don't feel like you need to wait for the perfect moment or have the perfect opener to say beforehand. Remember what we mentioned? Don't overthink it. Just go with the flow.
9. Don't Just Fade Out
When you're ready to end a conversation, don't just fade out and walk away. After all, if you struck up a chat with someone in the first place, you should at least end it politely. Find a natural way to exit the conversation and then let the other know it was great meeting them.
10. Don't Let the Awkwardness Stop You
Conversations with strangers will inevitably be awkward and nerve-wracking, especially if you're introverted. But don't let that stop you. Instead, embrace the feeling. Let it push you further. The more you challenge yourself and stay outside your comfort zone, the less these situations will feel like unfamiliar territory.
