When Is It Okay—and Not Okay—to Ghost?
Chances are you've either ghosted or been ghosted by someone before—that is, when a person abruptly cuts off all contact without proper explanation or warning, thus ending a personal relationship. As bad as it is, ghosting happens all the time in the world of online dating and even outside of it. If you're wondering whether you should take this extreme, here are 10 situations where it is okay to ghost—and 10 where it's not.
1. You've Never Met In Real Life
If you're still in the talking stage with this person and you've yet to meet them face-to-face, it's still fine at this point to cut off communication, especially when you've only exchanged basic greetings and pleasantries. After all, before you see each other in real life, you're both still strangers to each other.
2. Abusive or Inappropriate Behavior
Let's say you finally made the jump to meet this person. Maybe they seemed nice enough through messages, but in real life they exhibit a completely different persona. If they come off as toxic, abusive, or make inappropriate comments about you, ghost them. Sometimes, you might even do it for safety, since saying it in person (or even over text) might trigger anger and violence.
3. They Catfish or Lie to You
What's just as bad as someone who shows abusive or toxic behavior? Someone who lies about who they are, what they do, and what they look like. While it's important to try and keep an open mind when dating and meeting new people, if you meet someone in real life and they're the complete opposite of who they presented themselves as, feel free to cut them off.
4. You Have a Bad Gut Feeling
Sometimes, you just have a bad gut feeling about someone. They could seem fine in messages and even on the initial dates, but there's still something off about them. If you sense this, listen to it. Your intuition may save you from encountering trouble down the line.
5. The First Date Goes Horrible
So, you've messaged, you've gone on that first date, and now you're left feeling icky. Maybe it's something they said or did (or didn't say or do) and that was enough to tip you off. However, it's important to note that there's a difference between an awkward first date and a horrible one. Don't ghost if it's the former—they could just be nervous and there's a mismatch. But if they're rude and disrespectful, block them.
6. Inconsistent Communication
Sometimes, you don't even need to meet to recognize the signs of someone who isn't that interested. Their messages may be short, dry, and inconsistent. They may never ask you questions back, even when you're trying your best to get to know them. While communication habits over the phone don't always reflect someone's actual personality, it's probably still best to cut the connection off if this is one of your deal-breakers.
7. They Exhibit Your Deal-Breaker
Other than inconsistent or unreliable communication, you could have plenty of other deal-breakers on your list. It could be as simple as maintaining good hygiene or more specific, like having a certain height or body type. Again, while you should keep an open mind when dating, you know your limits the best.
8. You Have an Emergency or Personal Matter to Take Care Of
If you suddenly have an emergency or a personal matter to tend to, especially if it's health-related, it's completely fine to ghost someone. Of course, it's still better to give the other person a heads-up beforehand if you've gone on multiple dates and have regularly talked, but they should nonetheless be understanding in this situation.
9. Disrespect Your Boundaries
If you have to repeatedly remind them to not say or do certain things, like touch you without permission, but they continue to ignore you and cross your boundaries, cut them off. Disrespectful attitude and a lack of restraint are red flags, and will likely only get worse down the road if you stay.
10. They Repeatedly Flake on You
Sure, it's normal to be busy and have things suddenly come up. But if someone is constantly canceling on you and asking to reschedule dates, they're not that into you. Do yourself a favor and find someone who actually wants to invest their time and effort in you.
But while ghosting is okay in these 10 situations, it's not always the right thing to do. Let's jump into 10 situations when you shouldn't ghost.
1. You've Gone on Multiple Dates
If you've already gone on multiple dates with this person, then it's common courtesy to send them a message if the connection isn't working out anymore. After all, you've met them face-to-face more than once—you're no longer just strangers to each other.
2. After Physical Intimacy
Ghosting someone after physical intimacy is an extremely hurtful thing to do, especially if neither of you indicated that you were only looking for a casual or short-term relationship. While it's still in bad taste to send a "it's not working out" text in this situation, it's still better to message than to completely disappear.
3. You Found Someone "Better"
The dating pool can be huge, especially if you're on different apps or constantly on the lookout for new people. Though it's understandable to talk and date multiple people in the initial stages, it's not okay to ghost when you've been dedicated to one person for a while, only to drop them when you've found someone "better." Be respectful and let them know.
4. You've Agreed to Continue Meeting
If you've agreed on another date with someone and established that you'd like to continue meeting, don't randomly ghost them. If you've met someone else or something else came up, let the person know. You don't owe them a long explanation if it's personal or you don't want to give them one, but you should still send a message.
5. When You've Met Each Other's Friends & Family
It's not so much that you can't ghost after you've met each other's family and friends, but it's that it makes it more awkward to abruptly cut this connection off. After all, if you've met each other's inner circles, you're more likely to bump into them, and it'll be more tricky to escape their questioning. (But it's also just plain rude.)
6. If You've Both Shared Your Vulnerabilities
If you've both revealed something vulnerable about yourselves, it makes it all the more hurtful if you ghost right after. You may think of it as sharing secrets with a stranger who you won't ever see again, but you should still take into account how much courage it takes for someone to bare their vulnerabilities.
7. If They've Been Kind & Respectful
If the person has been nothing but kind and respectful to you, they deserve that back. Ghosting them out of the blue might be easy for you, but it's incredibly poor taste if the other has done nothing wrong. If it's just due to a mismatch, be honest and let them know.
8. You've Established a Relationship
Passed the initial dating stage? While rare, there are still cases where people in established relationships decide to ghost. Usually it's because they're afraid of coming clean and breaking up, so to avoid the trouble, they simply disappear. But this is never okay. Again, be honest and let the other know.
9. If It's Because You're Going Back to Your Ex
You might have downloaded a dating app and gone out on multiple dates to spite your ex, but you still keep in mind that the people you meet have lives and feelings of their own—they're not toys you can chew and throw away. If you're only up for something casual (and might go back to your ex at any point), state your intentions clearly so others don't build expectations only to get hurt.
10. If You Want to Show Emotional Maturity
Let's be honest: ghosting someone almost always indicates a lack of emotional maturity. You're abruptly cutting off communication with someone because you can't be bothered to send a quick message. While it might be okay in certain situations and once in a while, don't make it a habit—it just might backfire on you. Be respectful, kind, honest, and mature, and send the text.
