You may not want to face the truth, but if any of the 20 behaviours below sound like something you do, there's a good chance you're a manipulative person. Or, if it rings a bell regarding someone you know in your life, maybe it's the wake-up call you need to see them for who they truly are. Don't wait any longer - keep reading to learn more about manipulators and their harmful tendencies.
1. Deceptive Communication
The main trait that most manipulative people share is that they use deceptive communication when trying to get their way. By using words that twist the scenario, but not in an obvious way, they're able to confuse and mislead others to get what they want.
2. Emotional Exploitation
Sadly, manipulators are great with reading emotions, meaning they know exactly how to take advantage of yours. They know how to use your fears, insecurities, and even kindness against you so that they can benefit from it.
3. Gaslighting
All manipulators use gaslighting as an effective tactic up their sleeve. By lying, misrepresenting the truth, and twisting situations so that someone starts questioning their own reality or sanity, you're essentially at the hands of the manipulator. They can make you believe what they want you to believe.
4. Excessive Flattery
Everyone loves getting compliments - unless they're from someone trying to manipulate you. Because manipulators know flattery can get people to open up and feel comfortable, they're able to use flattery as a weapon. Once the target is all buttered up, it makes it all the easier to influence them.
Photo by Edward Cisneros on Unsplash
5. Isolation
Don't trust people who try to isolate you from all your other connections. Manipulators commonly use this strategy as a way to get you to rely on them, making it easier to control you. If your friend, partner, or family member tries to limit who you get to see and how often, it's time to open your eyes and see them for who they truly are.
6. Using Guilt
Guilt can be a dangerous thing, especially when used against you. You'll often find manipulators using guilt as a method of controlling other people to get what they want. They'll make you feel like you owe them, forcing you to follow their requests.
7. Playing the Victim
If there's one tactic that manipulators love, it's playing the victim. Because no, the fault is never on them! (That's sarcasm.) Doing this to make you feel bad, they take your compassion and use it against you. By playing the victim, they're essentially trying to get you to support them.
8. Contradictory Behavior
First they act one way, and then they act another way, all at the flick of a switch. People who are manipulative often act in an unpredictable manner, confusing people around them. Because the victims don't know what to expect, it makes it easier to play with their emotions.
9. Withholding Information
Have you ever talked to someone who knew something important but refused to tell you? Yeah, that's downright manipulative behaviour. Manipulators do this so that they can create a power imbalance where the victim feels the need to do what they can to get the info. It's even worse when it's important information they really need.
10. Pressure Tactics
For people who don't do well under pressure, manipulative people are definitely your worst enemies. That's because they tend to enjoy using pressure tactics that make you uncomfortable and force you into decisions. When we feel rushed, we tend to make split-second choices that don't reflect our actual thoughts. It makes it so easy for manipulators to get the outcome they want.
11. Strategic Friendliness
It sucks, but you can't always trust friendly people at first glance. Some people like to use friendliness as a weapon, coming off as gentle and kind when they're really just doing that to get close to you. As soon as you start trusting them, they'll start using you to their benefit.
12. Scapegoating
Once again, there's no way a manipulative person could ever be at fault, right?! (Sarcasm again). To deflect blame and accountability, manipulators love scapegoating so that others get the attention and consequence. Using their strong way with words, they're able to smoothly shift the blame to someone else, even if they're the ones at fault.
13. Inconsistent Reward and Punishment
Having unpredictable behavior gives manipulative individuals another source of power. By either giving the victim rewards or punishment, it forces them to fear the punishment and work hard to earn the prizes. Over time, it can create a psychological dependence without the victim even realizing it.
14. False Compromises
Compromises are made so that both people make sacrifices to meet in the middle. But for manipulators, that's never the case! Everything is done to their advantage, even compromises. They get pretty sneaky with it, playing with the situation until the outcome is still heavily in their favour.
15. Intimidation
But sometimes manipulators don't want to play it subtle and safe, sometimes, they take the aggressive route. Using intimidation to scare the victim into doing what they want, they might go as extreme as using threats. At this point, it's a matter of safety; victims follow their requests to protect themselves.
16. Overloading with Information
Have you ever sat in class and felt so overwhelmed because the teacher was throwing so much information at you? Manipulators use this very same method to confuse their victims. When too much is given to you at once, it's easy to miss the small, important details.
17. Creating Dependencies
The most dangerous thing someone can do to you is make you feel dependent upon them. This is very different from relying on someone - dependency makes you feel like you need this relationship to survive. And unfortunately, this is something manipulative people try to do.
18. Feigning Ignorance
Feigning ignorance is basically the same thing as playing dumb. By pretending they don't understand what's going on or that they really "didn't know" the consequences of their actions, it makes them seem less at fault. It's a lot easier to play it cool and avoid responsibility this way.
19. Utilizing Social Proof
There's truth in the saying that there's power in numbers. When you see other people following someone or agreeing with an idea, you're more likely to do the same. You'll likely feel pressured to conform, not wanting to disagree or be the potential outcast. Manipulators know how to use this to their utmost advantage.
20. Diversion
This may sound ridiculous, but it works! When asked something they don't want to answer, manipulators know exactly how to worm their way out of it. By changing the subject or diverting attention away from the matter, they're able to avoid any potential consequences they were just about to face.
