Love and lust often look like two sides of the same coin. You feel the same way—or think you do—regardless of your situation, and it seems like you’re on top of the world whenever that special person calls. But there are some classic signs to tell the difference between a relationship and a situationship. Here are 10 signs it’s only lust and 10 signs it’s real love.
1. You Don’t Know Them
If the consensual, mutual understanding is that you only see each other to hook up, that’s one thing. But don’t confuse an intense attraction for love. If you haven’t taken the time to get to know each other then it might be the connection you think it is.
Photo by Jorge Gardner on Unsplash
2. They Seem Perfect
Wait a second! Isn’t the person we’re in love with supposed to seem perfect? The thing is that those in love see their partner’s flaws and love them anyway; lust only focuses on the good because you haven’t taken the time to get to know them. So, of course, they seem perfect.
Photo by Hendo Wang on Unsplash
3. Unhealthy Needs Come First
When you’re in lust with someone, there isn’t an equal give and take. Either yours or their needs come first and there’s no compromise. That’s not a good sign when you want the relationship to last.
Photo by Alan Quirvan on Unsplash
4. You’re Obsessive
Should your situationship overthrow your thoughts, you’re likely looking at lust. It’s natural to think about your crush sometimes, but they shouldn’t be an all-consuming presence in your day.
Photo by John Schnobrich on Unsplash
5. You’re Not Yourself
Take a quick step back and reflect on your behavior around this new person. Do you speak or act differently? Do you feel like you can’t confess deeper emotions to them? Putting on a persona to impress someone is a classic sign that you’re not in it for the long haul.
Photo by Sangria Señorial on Unsplash
6. You Act Like Bunnies
The thrill of heading to the bedroom is enough to get anyone’s blood pumping. But if that’s the only thing you two do, it soon becomes clear that this is your relationship's foundation—which is totally fine if both parties are on board!
Photo by Womanizer Toys on Unsplash
7. No Plans
Plans don’t necessarily constitute marriage or children, they can also mean a simple weekend hangout. If you two are only available for a quick romp, you’re not giving the relationship a chance to blossom into something else.
Photo by kevin laminto on Unsplash
8. You’re Incompatible
Meeting someone you have an intense physical attraction to is great, but long-lasting relationships are built on so much more. Do you have anything in common with this person outside of the bedroom? If not, don’t throw the L-word around.
Photo by Toa Heftiba on Unsplash
9. No Introductions
If they’re the real deal, you’ll introduce them to your family and friends. No integration in your everyday life indicates that this person won’t stick around long.
Photo by Niki Sanders on Unsplash
10. No Time Together
We’re not just talking about the occasional date or meetup, we mean the real hangouts. The one where you lose track of time after seven hours of just talking. If those dates haven’t happened, then this might be more lust.
Photo by Miquel Parera on Unsplash
That said, let’s take a look at which telltale signs let you know you’re in it for the long haul.
1. You Can Talk to Them
Good conversation is a must for any relationship, but even more so with a romantic partner. The reason why is that they’ll be in your life for a long time, so it’s best to have someone you never tire of speaking with.
Photo by Chermiti Mohamed on Unsplash
2. You Accept Them
As we mentioned before, it’s important to see a person for all they are—that includes flaws and little idiosyncrasies. If you see them add milk before the cereal and still love them, you’re on the right track.
Photo by Priscilla Du Preez 🇨🇦 on Unsplash
3. It Goes Beyond the Physical
Physical connection is vital in a relationship, but true romance goes beyond that. If you enjoy their company outside of the bedroom, that’s a good sign that you want them around all the time, not just certain activities.
Photo by Priscilla Du Preez 🇨🇦 on Unsplash
4. You’re Invested
Do you want them to succeed? Know all about their day, even down to the little details? The more invested you are in someone, the stronger your relationship becomes, and situationships don’t pay this kind of attention.
Photo by Chermiti Mohamed on Unsplash
5. Strong Relationship
Strong relationships are built off of mutual trust and respect, but they also withstand the messier times. You should be able to speak honestly with them or even argue without puncturing a huge hole in your foundation.
Photo by Amber Kipp on Unsplash
6. They’re a Priority
You don’t put them off or delay plans. The person you’re in love with is a priority in your life and you want them around.
Photo by Karsten Winegeart on Unsplash
7. You Feel Different
Love goes beyond the butterflies and giddy smiles. Falling in love might feel different for everyone, but there’s a universal understanding that our world has shifted in the best way.
Photo by frank mckenna on Unsplash
8. Always Thinking of Them
Now, there is a difference between thinking of them often and obsessing over them. Being excited to talk to them isn’t the same as liking all their Instagram posts at 3:00 a.m.
Photo by Alan Quirvan on Unsplash
9. People Notice
Those closest to you can tell when you’re in love. If your friends or family have taken notice of how different you are (for the better)! then chances are you’ve stumbled into something real.
Photo by Justin Follis on Unsplash
10. You Want to Confess
The classic way to know if you’re in love? You want to confess it to them! If you’ve given it proper thought and want to confess how you feel, that’s a pretty big sign you’re with your forever person.
